I am so over this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
I am so over this...
8
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 6:46am

I am soooo over this "arrangement" where AH gets to live where ever he does (I do not know), visit the kids for a couple of hours, then leaves, with NO responsibility, NO idea when he'll be around again (usually only if I ask--he doesn't seem to initiate visitation) and he gets to go out and do as he pleases. And he was here yesterday for a few hours (so I could go to a memorial service--big day out, huh?) and all he did was leave me stuff to clean up. Just like when he lived here. I'm SOOOO over it.


I'm just sooo tired this a.m. So I apologize for my whine and venting so early this a.m. But I am obviously the one that gets up with the (young) kids EVERY morning. And they are young, so they just start in on "I'm hungry," "I have to poop," "I want to eat," ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.


Momma needs a coffee IV!


Deep down I know I have the better deal. My children are wonderful. But it's just so hard to be the solo parent and carry all the responsibility, with so much uncertainty, and try to stay sane all the while going through this. I feel like I am drowning at times :(


Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. Today has to get better right? On to cup o' joe #2.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 8:06am

Hugs to you Moving.


I know how hard it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2008
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 8:55am

Moving,


You said it yourself. "Deep down I know I have the better deal." Try and focus on that. These kids are your family now, all of you together.


Posting something from You Tube for you -


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIXIwdhOmSM&feature=related


It's about gratitude.


I have a 9-yr old and am moving through a divorce right now after 17 years together, and it is mostly amicable, but I think in most situations there is one parent who does more. That was/is me. There are obvious as well as hidden complexities with this, but in the end would we have it any other way? We do wish for an extra hand sometimes, however~ do you have access to a babysitter or any adults/family that can come in a couple hours here and there to give you a break? With summer here a lot of middle schoolers and high schoolers love to make a little extra money.


I would also start figuring out a way to get your X to be more consistent and definitely be adamant about leaving YOUR space as he found it when he showed up.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 9:42am

Hi, I am a seperated mother of two boys, who I have fulltime. I can relate about doing all the kids stuff and caretaking alone... But I was wondering, how do you support yourself, and are you getting by financially? That's what I find the hardest. I am working part-time right now, and will be going to college soon. I am getting a loan for that. making ends meet is very touch and go..


Thanks movingonthistime

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 10:32am

I have been up boxing things up since 5 AM which I have been doing several days a week since this issue started-Mostly I've been getting his things in boxes and the kids (who no longer live here but there stuff will also have to go) but am starting to pack dishes etc knowing the house will have to be sold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 11:35am

I think we empathize with you and feel free to vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Sun, 06-08-2008 - 3:58pm
I hope by the time you get this that your day has gone from bad to better. It must be very difficult with little kids. I remember my STBX never being home when they were little, it was the joke in the neighbourhood that I was the only single mom would slept with someone every night (he came home at night lol). Anyways, vent away!! That's what we are here for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 1:05pm




I hear you.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 06-09-2008 - 8:59pm

Thanks all! I'm in a much better state of mind than I was Sunday morning (though I'm still tired and frustrated). H backed out of taking the kids next weekend on an outing, and backed out of being "childcare" for my last days at work next week before summer vacation starts, so I've been scrambling to get that together. I think I'm pretty well set. And I sent him a firm, pretty limited (on his part) visitation/custody agreement to start from (he's probably going to flip). It's based on him not having a stable place to live, nor a driver's license. Despite the fact I know it's far from settled and agreed upon, just putting it in writing to him makes me feel empowered. I'm not willing to be his doormat any longer, nor make things a cake-walk for him. I'm done with that.


So, I guess I wanted to say THANK YOU all!! :) I'll keep you posted on how (or if) he responds. It appears he's at another ballgame tonight (insert eye roll here)....