Hi there! You've definitely come to the right place for support. While I filed for divorce (both times...finally went through with it the second time), this place was truly a haven for me. I don't know how I would have gotten through without the support, suggestions, and feedback from others.
Many of the ladies here have been faced with the often scary and daunting tasks of finding a new home, new employment, paying bills on meager sums of money, retaining custody of their children, etc. It's a tough road, but we have all survived and you will, too.
For now, the best you can do is focus on your own needs so you can be there for your children. Try to eat well, get enough rest, and be kind to yourself. I found journaling a wonderful tool. You can blog or just write out your thougts in a old-fashioned notebook. When I journaled, I could feel the negativity and fear leave with every word I wrote.
I also saw your post about child custody. Many men try to gain primary custody of their children to avoid paying child support, and the courts are sensitive to this. My ex fought hard for custody, and we ended up with a near 50/50 split. I don't think it's ideal, but it's certainly not as bad as it could have ended up.
Do you have an attorney? If so, ask some questions about custody. After I spoke with my lawyer, I felt much more at ease.
I am so so sorry and am sending you prayers and hugs. I cannot imagine the situation you are in. There will be others here who can offer my practical and btdt advice, I am sure. In the meantime, I guess getting a lawyer is the first step and filing for child and spousal support. In my state you can do that immediately even if, eventually, you go for a negotiated settlement. Sounds like there has been "cruelty" so you have cause.
I hope you can afford an attorney and counseling for you and your suicidal child as well as the others. We have good resources here -- a woman's center that provides classes on all aspects of divorce -- very imformative. They also offer divorce support groups -- maybe there is something like that in your area.
You're post sounded so . . . I am at a loss for words to describe!!
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time right now.
I guess my first thought after reading your post would be to get your 17 y/o help. You sound so overwhelmed! Showing your child that you love them enough to listen to their cries for help will only stregthen that bond. Sometimes as mom's all we can do is listen. Getting help and support for them, and yourself would be a great start!!
Divorce isn't easy. I've been going through mine for 8 months now, and do not see an end for a while yet. Having a good support system is a key factor. Ivillage is a wonderful place, and yes, I thank God too for the internet!!lol
I have 4 boys ages 13-21. Many times during these past months I have thought that I could not go on with this. But, my children deserve to have a happy, healthy and alive mother. My stbx has custody by the way. I've spent my days working on myself, taking it sometimes one second at a time. Try not to be too hard on yourself!! Just do the best you can, isn't that what we as parents as of our children?
I know that things seem rough right now, and they are. As women going through divorce we have to accept that. Seeking out support does not make us weaker!! Each of us has our own story, and nightmares that have brought us to this place in our lives. We each have our breaking point. Accepting our faults and our strengths, moves us ahead.
I too am having to seek employment, after being married, and not "allowed" to work for 23 years!! It's scary. All of this is scary. I know that. But we, and our children-if one has them, need to eat, have heat and lights, etc. Accepting myself as a single mom, and that is how I see myself, I know that I can do it. So can you!!
Im so sorry though, for everything. If you ar ein a shelter, I assume there was maybe some domestic violence? Have you accesses community or DV resources for you & the kids? & of course, for your 17 yr old.
There is a LOT of help out there, but you have to fight for it sometimes.
Stay strong, & please come see us here anytime ... & there is a
Hi there! You've definitely come to the right place for support. While I filed for divorce (both times...finally went through with it the second time), this place was truly a haven for me. I don't know how I would have gotten through without the support, suggestions, and feedback from others.
Many of the ladies here have been faced with the often scary and daunting tasks of finding a new home, new employment, paying bills on meager sums of money, retaining custody of their children, etc. It's a tough road, but we have all survived and you will, too.
For now, the best you can do is focus on your own needs so you can be there for your children. Try to eat well, get enough rest, and be kind to yourself. I found journaling a wonderful tool. You can blog or just write out your thougts in a old-fashioned notebook. When I journaled, I could feel the negativity and fear leave with every word I wrote.
I also saw your post about child custody. Many men try to gain primary custody of their children to avoid paying child support, and the courts are sensitive to this. My ex fought hard for custody, and we ended up with a near 50/50 split. I don't think it's ideal, but it's certainly not as bad as it could have ended up.
Do you have an attorney? If so, ask some questions about custody. After I spoke with my lawyer, I felt much more at ease.
Hang in there.
I am so so sorry and am sending you prayers and hugs. I cannot imagine the situation you are in. There will be others here who can offer my practical and btdt advice, I am sure. In the meantime, I guess getting a lawyer is the first step and filing for child and spousal support. In my state you can do that immediately even if, eventually, you go for a negotiated settlement. Sounds like there has been "cruelty" so you have cause.
I hope you can afford an attorney and counseling for you and your suicidal child as well as the others. We have good resources here -- a woman's center that provides classes on all aspects of divorce -- very imformative. They also offer divorce support groups -- maybe there is something like that in your area.
Keep on coming back and sharing.
M
Hi;
You're post sounded so . . . I am at a loss for words to describe!!
I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time right now.
I guess my first thought after reading your post would be to get your 17 y/o help. You sound so overwhelmed! Showing your child that you love them enough to listen to their cries for help will only stregthen that bond. Sometimes as mom's all we can do is listen. Getting help and support for them, and yourself would be a great start!!
Divorce isn't easy. I've been going through mine for 8 months now, and do not see an end for a while yet. Having a good support system is a key factor. Ivillage is a wonderful place, and yes, I thank God too for the internet!!lol
I have 4 boys ages 13-21. Many times during these past months I have thought that I could not go on with this. But, my children deserve to have a happy, healthy and alive mother. My stbx has custody by the way. I've spent my days working on myself, taking it sometimes one second at a time. Try not to be too hard on yourself!! Just do the best you can, isn't that what we as parents as of our children?
I know that things seem rough right now, and they are. As women going through divorce we have to accept that. Seeking out support does not make us weaker!! Each of us has our own story, and nightmares that have brought us to this place in our lives. We each have our breaking point. Accepting our faults and our strengths, moves us ahead.
I too am having to seek employment, after being married, and not "allowed" to work for 23 years!! It's scary. All of this is scary. I know that. But we, and our children-if one has them, need to eat, have heat and lights, etc. Accepting myself as a single mom, and that is how I see myself, I know that I can do it. So can you!!
I hope that I've helped!!
Laurene
YOU CAN DO IT!
Im so sorry though, for everything. If you ar ein a shelter, I assume there was maybe some domestic violence? Have you accesses community or DV resources for you & the kids? & of course, for your 17 yr old.
There is a LOT of help out there, but you have to fight for it sometimes.
Stay strong, & please come see us here anytime ... & there is a