I am sooo confused on what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2008
I am sooo confused on what to do
3
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 1:23pm

I am not quite sure where to begin without having to go on and on..So here goes.. We have been married for 13 yrs and together 15 and have 3 children ages from 13-6..And I should add his sister lives with us too..


Back in October of 07 my husband of 13 yrs told me he was losing feelings for me..and it cut like a knife because everything seemed to be fine..we didnt fight often and when we did it wasnt a yell and scream fight..So of course I cried and was just at a loss..he tells me he loves me everyday more then once a day too..he said its not you its me..and he nelt down at my side and cried with me saying we will work this out everything will be ok..he got up and went to the church and spoke with a pastor for close to 3 hours..he came home and I was just in a complete fog..he reassured me it was gonna be ok we were gonna get help..I find out later on down the road that he had spoke with his mom..and two of his closest friends before he has even talked to me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 7:39pm

Please read "Helping your children cope with divorce," and "The truth about children and divorce."

There should be a predictable schedule for Dad's visits. Every M, W, F, and every other weekend or something like that. The kids need to know when they will or will not see dad.

You two need to plan a script and have conversation with the children about what is going on -- together. The way he handled it is appalling.

"Mom and dad are having some tough times right now so Dad wiil be living XX and we will be working on things. You will see dad XX days and times. They also need to know where dad is living and see it and know he is ok. This is very important.

I could go on and on ... read the books.

I will pray for you and your children.

Hugs,

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-20-2008 - 8:52pm

His involving your children in the way he has is nothing short of abusive psychologically. I would recommend that your children be placed in counseling ASAP. They will have a lot of fall-out regardless of how things go with you and your h. My xh did something similar to my children. They suffered greatly and blamed me as a result.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this! It is not right. Perhaps if he gets a dose of reality, what it will *really* be like if you divorce, ie, EOW visitation, he would be more willing to try to work on your marriage and his parenting skills. Regardless of whether he works on your marriage, he should work on his parenting skills. This situation is ripe for Parent Alienation Syndrome.

I hope that the two of you can at least work through separation and parenting issues in counseling. Sometimes the best you can hope for is that this will be the outcome of marriage counseling.

Photobucket



I am unable to give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket


Photobucket

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2008
Mon, 01-21-2008 - 11:23am

omg this is very similar wo what just happened to me.