i am a wreck today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
i am a wreck today
8
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 12:48pm
I posted earlier yesterday, my husband told me Sunday that he wants a divorce, something I was expecting but not prepared to hear...we've been separated for about a month and he has been acting in a way that would make me think there was hope, it was kind of out of the blue this weekend.
today i got a call from an insurance company wanting to schedule an appointment for us to give blood for some life insurance he bought for us through his company. i didn't know anything about this. he obviously made that decision before his announcement to me on Sunday, but it has totally wrecked me today that not so long ago, he could see us together enough to buy life insurance, and now today he says it's over.
i have asked him if we can wait to file until after the baby is born. if we filed right now, it will be final the week the baby is due and also my son's 4th birthday and i just can't deal with all of that at once. he said he would wait but that for him at this point it's just a legal thing.
i know that we are not a good match for each other. i know that i'm holding on to what could have been, not what is. why am i such a mess?? i feel like an increible failure and pathetic on top of that.
thanks for listening
Bridget
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2001
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:23pm

You are NOT a failure and you are NOT pathetic. Of course you are having a hard time...you're pregnant and your husband just asked for a divorce 2 days ago. Give yourself a break here! Grieve for what was-the lost/broken dreams and hopes, but in the same breath, count the blessings for what is: your son and beautiful unborn child. Divorce is like a death...and you must grieve that death or you will never fully heal.

Give yourself some time. Start to put the focus back on you and your unborn child. Make sure you are eating and sleeping properly and taking care of yourself. Take some time for just you as well...

But also, make sure you make copies of important papers--w2 forms, bank account statements, credit card statements, 401K's, stocks, bonds, etc. this is very important for you to do as soon as possible. Seek an attorney's advise now...don't wait til your child is born-you dont have to file, just seek the answers to the trillion questions that are floating in y our head. Get a notebook and write things down....

HUGE hugs to you. Take care of you!

Deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:46pm

Hi Bridget..... I agree with debs.... make copies of and gather up all important documents NOW... and go talk to an attorney NOW.


I'm thinking that if you're pregnant, unless there is documented abuse, you can't start a divorce.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:17pm
karen and debs
thank you both so much for your support and advice...it helps me to get through the days if i can focus on practical things rather than how i'm feeling about this. thanks so much, it helps alot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:07pm

HUGE hugs,


my husband left me pregnant and with a then 4 year old. It SUCKS. You feel all the things you said you feel. I know.


You are never a failure if your willing to fight. Your never pathetic if YOU don't walk away from a life long commitment. I had to remind myself too sometimes, but I now KNOW I am not the one who failed.


EVERYTHING happens for a reason. You and your children will be ok. You need friends, family and support. We can help with every aspect!


Hugs to you and please let us know if you need anything.


Angelena



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:15pm
Angelena--thanks so much for your help, it's amazing how much it helps not to feel so alone. it's good to hear you say my kids will be ok too, i'm so worried about both of them. pregnant hormones raging don't help too much either, do they?
was your husband there when you had the baby? do you mind if i ask?
thanks again for the hugs
bridget
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:30pm
youve already gotten some great advice so i dont really have anything to add but just to say good luck!
hugs to you
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
In reply to: nflfan
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 10:16pm
I just wanted to give you some big hugs.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
In reply to: nflfan
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:02am

Your very welcome and yes it does help HUGE to know your not alone. I know ;)


Yes my husband was there when the baby was born. I was in L&D the night before with contractions and they sent me home because I wasn't progressing fast enough. My husband was living with his girlfriend ( although at the time they both swore to me they were just roomies ) anyway, he left me alone that night with our 4 year old and no vehicle knowing full well I was in labor. I ended up sleeping an hour, got up, felt HUGE contractions and then I ended up calling him asking him to take me back. He didn't believe me. I fought with him a bit and then finally I called 9-1-1. I had an ambulance come and take me and I left my 4 year old with a good friend who was also our neighbor. I got to the hospital around 9am. I had my daughter at 12:43. My husband finally believed me when I called him from the hospital around 11. He got there at 11:30. I was alone most of the time. That was really my all time low. He was there for the birth but left immediately after. In the meantime he kept leaving the room to call her. I knew what he was doing.....


That night, he said he would be back to see the baby. He didn't show up again until 7pm. He stayed for an hour. Then the next night he got there around 6pm and left around 7. The only reason he was there was because his sister and brother in law were coming to see the baby. I had to BEG him to come and get me from the hospital to take us home the next day.


That was when I knew he wasn't coming back. I thought at first that the baby would make a difference, I mean after all he helped me plan and conceive. Well I was wrong and at that point I stopped fighting to get him back.


Everything changed from that point, it almost seemed like he stopped caring. He didn't want to be friends anymore and didn't want to be around us. He would visit, but only for a minute. She kept him away a lot too. If she wasn't involved I think that he would still be the same person I knew when we were married. It's gotten progressively worse...... he seems now like he doesn't care at all. ( 19 months later )


Not to discourage you at all... I am praying that everyone isn't like my XH. Everyone is different. Who knows, some things might change for you.... we just never know.


Good luck with anything and if you need anything please let me know.


Hugs,


Angelena