I can't believe I did this!
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| Thu, 04-07-2005 - 6:11pm |
Ok, my stbx and I were going to have a civilized split, no trying to destroy each other. It was going ok, until he realized that he isn't going to walk all over me, and get his way with everything. Basically I've had it. He decided that he was going to manhandle me, he cut off my cell phone, and stole my atm cards out of my purse. I went into the bank and cleared out my money... which amounts to about $400.
I then went to the courthouse and got a protection order against him. He was forced to leave our home. The problem is this.... I am a full time student ($400 is actually tuition money) and do not work right now. I am willing to go get a job, but even if I find one tomorrow, I'll still need to wait to get paid. Even then, I really doubt that I'll get anything better than minimum wage. I'm sooooo scared now. Rent is due, and bills have to be paid. It wouldn't be so bad, but I have an 8 year old kid to think of too. What on earth should I do? Did I just really screw myself?

Is he violent or abusive? Is that what you meant by he tried to manhandle you?
My first concern is for your 8 year old. Is your STBX his father? Your son needs food and shelter, but also I would be concerned for his emotional well being with all this turmoil. If your STBX is his father, you can go to court and apply for temporary custody, spousal support and child support. I had to pay my ex spousal support during the separation, and it wasn't the same as qualifying for alimony, it was just that we were still married and our income was still 'ours' until the divorce was final, basically I had to share my income with him (it could have been until things were final, but thankfully he agreed to only 6 months of support). In some states the process to get temporary support might be quick, some places it might be slow, and even once it's ordered it might be a while before they collect it. I assume your STBX is gainfully employed?
Can you apply for some student aid? Where I went to school you could also get a loan that you didn't have to pay back until the end of the semester.
Yes, this is abuse! I know it took courage in going had getting a r/o on your stbx, so you should be proud of yourself in taking the first step in ridding yourself of this type of situation.
I don't know what state you're from, but you seem to be in the same kind of situation I was in when I was getting my divorce. I was left with nothing but the bills. I had no job and was/am attending school full time while taking care of a toddler.
You should go to your local DFS office and file for temporary assistance, food stamps, and medicaid for yourself and child. The t/a will take some time to get, but it will help in the long run. To get the t/a, I had to file as separated, since the divorce was not final yet. I also had to file for c/s through the state. By filing for c/s through the state, the state will set what your stbx will have to pay until the judge rules on everything, and start garnishing his wages. In addition, I went to the work force development office. They took my school schedule, contacted the university, and paid half of my tuition. In turn, the school reembursed me what the state had paid so that I could live off of that for a while.
Now that you are separated, you can also file differently on your FAFSA (school aide form) and probably get grants for school, which will help greatly!
I know that this is a very difficult time for you, but I promise everything will get better! It probably doesn't seem like it right now, but everything will work out. I still have my ups and downs with everything....emotionally and financially....but I know that I am doing what is best for me and my daughter!
Best of luck to you....lots of hugs!
Kait
Hugs to you sweetie!
I agree with the previous poster. FAFSA is a LIFESAVER. I got fully funded for school by applying for it, I have been separated since 7/03, divorced since 1/05 and I have 2 children, ages 6 and 19 months.
Don't worry about school right now, that is definitely solvable. Find yourselves a place to stay. Family? friends? anyone who will allow you to stay with them until you can go down to Social Services and apply for all the emergency assistance you can get.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us updated!
Hugs,
Angelena
Gosh, I agree with the other posters...I too was a sahm when my stbx filed for divorce (he did it because I filed an RO against him and had him removed from our home). He was/is an abusive man, not so much physically, but more emotionally and financially.
I applied for state assistance and it has been my lifesaver. Also, just recently, I applied for FAFSA for fall semester, and it went through. I am 45 yo with 2 DD's at home with me, and I will be a college student! Do you know how good that makes me feel? I did it because I know that my stbx will never pay me a dime and I need to rely on myself to support my DD's.
Time is on your side hon. Take everyday one step at a time! It will all work out and eventually you will look at each and everyday with hope and pride, and you will forget all the bad things that has happened.
Huge hugs to ya!