I can't feel sorry for him......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
I can't feel sorry for him......
2
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 6:58pm

Went to therapy today and Doc told me to STOP feeling sorry for him. So here I go....

I need to quit feeling sorry for my 32 year-old STBX. Me feeling sorry for him, makes more excuses for him. He has been babied his whole life and has never had to grow up and face life issues because himself and other people (his family and myself) make excuses for him. I guess I’m not sure what I feel sorry for exactly, maybe it’s not him personally that I feel sorry for, I think I feel sorry that I don’t know him anymore, that the man I love is gone. I thought that if I felt sorry for him, it made me the better person, stronger for not being angry, but I guess that’s not the case. Am I trying too hard to get past this in such a short amount of time? I have always wanted things in a hurry, and of coarse I don’t want to suffer and take YEARS to get over him and our relationship. But I need to remind myself that this will take TIME and lots of tears. It’s only been 22 days….I have a long road ahead of me. I need to concentrate on the NOW and on ME, not the future and especially not on HIM. I need to embrace what is happening and deal with it. It sucks.

BTW.....for those who read my last post about him coming over on Sunday and trying to bully me into signing divorce papers right then and there when I have never even LOOKED at them.....he left angry with the papers (he refused to leave them with me without my signature). I called his mother and emailed him; told him to give me the # to his attorney so I could set up a time to "be served" so I could take the papers to an attorney myself and sign them after I have legal advice for me. His whole affair and filing for divorce has been on HIS terms and I told him he has to accept that I get legal advice before I sign. Anyway, he told his mother to tell me he wants to come over again to drop off the papers. I sent him an email and basically told him he had his chance to leave them, refused and I do NOT want him anywhere near me or my apartment. He is nuts....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 8:21pm
Definitly don't sign anything, don't even wait for the divorce papers from him to get to you, get legal advice now. My stbx tried to get me to sign off on his profit sharing so that he could get the money. Thats what sent me to a lawyer. I made excuses for my stbx also, after 30 years, and god only knows how many other women he's had, I ran out of excuses. Get legal advice now. No more feeling sorry for him. even after i filed for divorce I still felt sorry for mine, not anymore, he made his bed, he's going to lie in it on his own this time.
Good luck
Rhea
Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 10:06pm

Ugh... when I read the update about your stbx's actions with the papers I just about wanted to get sick... each side is entitled to legal representation...

how about flipping the table... find your own attorney to write up papers for you and have him served through the system?

*hugs*

Julie