I can't get rid of him. He is coming!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
I can't get rid of him. He is coming!!!
5
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 7:35pm

I am panicking now... He is acting really stupid now. Just to explain the situation, he has been overseas most of the year. He still managed to be the most annoying human being by constantly e-mailing me and calling home, my work, even my daycare people. I just got fed up with the last e-mail he sent me with all kinds of name calling, so I e-mailed him I want a divorce. First of all, he has not send us any money this pay period and that was the cause of the argument. He is flipping the subject from his unstability to me messing around. I have nothing to worry because I am not doing anything.

Anyway, he is on the other side of the globe now, but he just e-mailed me that he is leaving his job and coming home. Yes, he must be quitting his job and he must be coming here so I can take care of him and his bills. Fortunatelly, we don't own a house. I am going to go to the office tomorrow to remove him from the lease. I am going to change the lock and make sure that he cannot get in.

But he has already threatened me as usual. He is more like a verbal person and all he does is talk and he never physically abused me. But you just don't know how far he goes with his talking. He has called my past job and started cussing people off... He just doesn't seem to care how stupid he looks. He will show up at my work and act stupid. I am pretty sure someone will call a police and he will never be able to work for a government again. On top of that, I know he will say I messed up his job and will try his best to destroy my life.

You know, for a guy who is never happy with whatever I do, he sure can't seem to try his best to make his presense in my life. I wish he would all of a sudden disappear.

Now, here is my question. Which is better? To reply to his stupid e-mails and phone calls or continue to ignore? I know if I ignore, his behavior will get worse. But if I give in and start reasoning with his unrealistic accusation, I feel like that would encourage him that he will get his way as long as he acts stupid. I never knew it was THIS hard to end this marriage, when he was saying he was TRAPPED! Oh, he is SOOO FREE to hit the road. Don't you come back!!! EVER!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 12:44pm
I would reply to him but not reason with him. You can tell him what you are going to do in *reaction* to his decision, you can't get him to see why his thought process is flawed or why his choices are bad or why his opinions are not logical. Just tell him that if he is coming back, he should know that the locks will be changed and he will need to find another place to live, and that when he gets here you will need to agree on a visitation schedule and formalize child support for the children.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 3:11pm

Please consult with an attorney before you change locks and tell him he can't come into the marital residence... and then, YES.... remind him that HIS actions, inactions and words have left you no other choice but to seek a divorce..... HIS actions.... HIS words.... HIS choices.


Good luck.... and be safe.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Tue, 03-08-2005 - 9:46pm
I am getting ill feeling already. Call me stupid, I thought divorce will be a piece of cake... I never expected this reaction since he has been absent and miserable. I will seek legal counseling. My parents are also going to come here to stay with me for several months. They can do that because both of them are retired. But anyway, I will definitely seek a legal counseling tomorrow morning. Oh boy...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 5:00pm

Sometimes people react in ways that we don't expect... for reasons we don't understand.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:19pm

Whoah, girl.

Definitly respond to his emails and just be firm with him. Don't give him any reasons and don't explain yourself too much. Just be point blank. I have to agree with the other gals that if he sends you anything threatening, document it. I'm not sure about the changing the locks thing...that might anger him more, because his stuff is in your house. Is he threatening towards to kids? If you live in fear, talk to you attourney, or someone in family counseling (yellow pages) on what to do first. Best of luck to you.