I caught him now what

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
I caught him now what
7
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 6:30pm

My question is if I caught him in an affair do I go for that angle in the divorce or do I stick with irr differences. I have cell phone records to someone (who he has also introduced to my kids) and I found something else also. I dont want to drag my kids through some longer more painful process if really I am just going to get the same as I would anyway.

Any advice would be great

shop girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-03-2007 - 8:04pm
This is definitely a question for your attorney! It depends entirely on your state, your jurisdiction, and your local judges. Only an attorney in your area will be able to answer this properly.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket





Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 11:14am
In Tennessee, it didn't make a whole heck of a lot of different when it was all said and done.... BUT, if I would have filed based on adultery, we could have gotten divorced in 30 days... vs. 90 days for irreconcilable differences AND I would have had to of called in witnesses to testify to the adultery... AND it would have cost me more money for the extra time in court and with my attorney.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:24pm
I have been wondering the same thing. I know Idaho is a community property state, but can I sue him for full custody, and divorce him on the grounds of adultery? Will it be more beneficial to do that, or will it all come out the same in the end? Also, can I make him have to pay all of the attorney fees? All my friends tell me something different. I am about to meet with an attorney for a consult. Anyone have advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:41pm

I'm glad that you're meeting with an attorney.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:51pm

Shop Girl,

(Do you look like Claire Danes?)

It depends on the state/county you are in. I live in Ohio, and cheating on the spouse is not grounds for divorce!

If your state allows cheating as grounds, then you need objective evidence: pictures, DNA stains, witnesses. Anything else is conjecture and theory, but not proof.

Since you have her cell phone message, go visit a seedy bar and sneak into the men's room, and write her cell phone number on the walls with the appropriate skill set you think she can offer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 10:57pm

Thank you so much for your advice. He will never admit til the day he dies and I dont know if I am up to dragging it out for 18 months why we wait for court etc. It will also cost me alot more money and that is a good reason not to do it. I am supposed to have the papers to me by Tuesday to go meet with my lawyer. Wish me luck if all goes well I will be divorced in 30 days.

Thanks for all you do to help people deal with this horrible time, Your advice has been so helpful over the past few months.

Shopgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 8:08pm

Hi Taynjay. I live in CT, we have no fault divorce. they don't care what you did to each other. The court basically just divides up the assets. So it's good that you are going to a lawyer and you can get the answers. My concern is custody. My stbx is so abusive and an alcoholic, but he can present such a phony front, and he's so manipulative of my son. I'm going for joint custody, with primary residential. Wildlucky just gave me some insight into that. My son will be mad about the residential, but I need to get him away from his father full time. It was the other night when his dad accused my son of trying to kill him that I knew I had to get him out, evn if it makes him furious. And I'm taking him to counseling next week.

By the way, I love oldnimrod's advice! She's a riot!!