I changed my name back today!!!
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I changed my name back today!!!
| Sun, 12-12-2004 - 7:38am |
i went back to my maiden name - and that is where i am going to stay. whew! what a relief it was to sign my "new" name on the dotted line.... i have to now notify the banks, and change my drivers license etc etc but i am HAPPY!
now to deal with the rings...

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Did you have to wait until the divorce was final to go back to your maiden name?
Seeburg
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
I changed my name back on Fri and I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL!!! Congrats! It is liberating to be able to sign your maiden name again... my ex and I did not have kids so there was absolutely no reason to keep that final connection with him... I took my ring in and had the diamonds made into dangle earrings... they turned out great and are something I can waer with jeans or a ballgown (or on a date...LOL) I did not want to pawn it as you never get the true value of the stones doing that, plus I like jewelry, and diamonds, so I wanted to make the stones into something that was MINE and not sentimental. It feels GREAT to have the ring gone and not have to look at it every day when I open my jewelry box...
seeburg... here in the States your divorce must finalize to be able to use your maiden name legally... when it finalizes get a copy of the divorce decree and take it to the Social Security Administration. They will make the initial change... then you have to wait 3 days to be able to go get your drivers license changed... once that is complete you can make all the other changes... it's a hassle initially because they confiscate the old license so you have a license with your maiden name, but all your checks/credit cards etc are still in your married name... BUT it's worth the hassle!
Edited 12/13/2004 12:32 pm ET ET by cabikerchick
I like what you did with your ring. I'm not that brave. I just have the rings in my jewelry box, I guess as a representation of that phase of my life, I dunno. It's wierd. For me, I'm not saying about you, like I said I love your idea!, but after all that has been done and said in the last few years, THAT seems the ultimate betrayal to the memory of my marriage if I were to melt it down and do something different with them. I have thought about how wierd a future partner might feel about my having kept them, though. So I don't know WHAT to do with them. And it's not like I would pass it down to my kids, how unlucky an omen would THAT be, lol?!?!
I went back to my maiden name, too, and I agree, it feels GREAT!!! My SO thinks its a vain, ego-tripping kind of thing. Doesn't understand why I'd do it or why it's so d@mn important to me. But then, his exwife kept his name, so I guess he wouldn't understand. Heck on him, this is mine. I *am* a "Y", not a "T". Like I told my bf, I was happy as hell to take ex's name when I married him, am glad to be rid of it now, and would be happy as hell to take his (bf's) name if he were to propose to me, lol, but right now, while I'm single, I am me. And that means carrying my father's name!!!!
By the way, in my state, you have to have the judge order your maiden name restored upon divorce, otherwise you have to go through the rigamarole of legally changing your name later. That's time consuming and expensive. BUT....I was able to change my driver's license the very same day as the divorce (one of the reason's bf says this is an unhealthy obsession, lol), but I had to wait until the good people at the Social Security Administration fixed my number to change it at work and at banks, etc. Unfortunately, they screwed up and I just now got it changed, 5 months later!!!!
Lucky
lucky... here, you choose to reinstate your name the day you file the divorce and when it finalizes you can legally revert... must differ state to state... what a drag that the SSA messed up! UGH! As for your ex... is he outta his mind??? WHY would you want to keep his name? Sounds like HIS ego trip!
As for my ring... my husband took care of the betrayal of the marriage... after we filed, we were out one night together (long story but we went to Europe on a trip that was already paid for and non-refundable) and he got drunk and was hitting on other women in FRONT OF ME and then suggested I go find myself a 22 yr old. It was the ultimate form of disrespect as far as I was concerned. What a pig. The next day he shopped for another woman while I was in the same store... he did not realize I had come up behind him. What a pig. Oh wait, I already said that... what the heck... it bears repeating... WHAT A PIG! I will always know I was married and absolutely could not bear the reminder staring me in the face every day. So earrings it is...LOL
take care! I am recovering slowly... obviously not quite done with the anger stage tho...:-)
Edited 12/13/2004 6:30 pm ET ET by cabikerchick
OMGosh, yes, your ex does sound like a pig!!! I don't blame you one bit. And like I said, I do love your idea for earrings. Actually, I had never considered doing anything with the rings, I guess I just kinda thought my options were to hawk them, keep them, or throw 'em away. How funny!!
I've been thinking about it all afternoon, though!!! I have a small solitaire engagement ring and a wedding band. I'm thinking about making the engagement ring into a belly ring. Since I have only one, I can't make earrings, but I *love* your idea! Oh wait...excuse for cartilage piercing??? rofl! Long story, but when things were hitting the skids, I lost a BUNCH of weight, thinking that might be the problem. I went to a 10/12 from a 22. He never noticed. "But honey, in my mind, I always see the 18yo I fell in love with." Sorry, dude, doesn't cut it. When your wife drops 6-8 sizes like that, YOU FALL ALL OVER HER!!! YOU MAKE WILD, PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER EVERY NIGHT!!!! YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF DAMN LUCKY!!!! (oops...sorry...guess I'm not over my anger, either, huh?) Anyway, I got the belly piercing to refocus my energy and to realize that *I'M* a good enough reason to get and stay skinny. So that might just be poetic to make a belly ring out of it, huh?
And the wedding band isn't big, either, but I wonder if I could melt it and cast it into a simply designed band for my other hand?
Lucky
lucky... I LOVE the idea of a belly ring... good for you for losing that weight and feeling sexy enough to have a belly ring made!!! That IS a big deal... sorry your ex was not bright enough to identify that himself... I used to be very heavy as well... lost 80lbs 10 yrs ago and have kept it off... a couple yrs ago I took up cycling and set a goal of riding a 50 mile event ride... when I accomplished that I go a tattoo on my back... LOL... same thing... I AM WORTHY of doing things for me, and I am pretty darned sexy now too!
You could definitely melt that gold down and make a ring out of it... or a pendant for a necklace... maybe get one made that says ME...roflmao! hey...hmmm... I kinda like that idea...
take care and let me know when you get that diamond belly ring! I think it will look fabulous... :-)
>>>And it's not like I would pass it down to my kids, how unlucky an omen would THAT be, lol?!?!<<<
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my sister was 1. When I was 11 he killed himself. I guess I was in my late 20s and we went to the safe deposit box with my mom for some papers, and she remembered the wedding rings were in there. My sister agreed to take my mom's ring and I took my dad's. My sister and I were both married at the time, and giving us the rings was not so we could re-use them. But they were a symbol of the union that created my sister and I. I was closer to my dad than my sister was, and his ring is one of the only things of his that I have. I am so glad my mom kept them.
I saved my wedding rings for my dd. I don't expect her to wear them as wedding rings when she marries. Maybe she will get them turned into some other kind of jewelry or maybe she will just save them, it will be up to her. They don't mean much to me now, but they will mean something to her when she grows up. Just like the wedding pictures. I don't want to see them, but they are pictures of both of her parents and I will keep them for her sake.
I got the tattoo in March, roflmao!!!!
Seriously. I was considering a tattoo this year anyway, since I was turning 40. But in light of all the life changes I've had in the last year or two, I decided to take it seriously and only do it a)in a way that was significant and b) when I was sure I've made the first REAL step forward.
So....I got it the week I realized that I had forgiven ex for being thoughtless and inconsiderate (guess I need to revisit that one, huh?) and as I realized that I was looking forward to my future regardless of what that future held. I was scared, but whatever mistakes and pitfalls came my way, I realized, at least it was MY mistakes and MY pitfalls affecting my path and not someone else's!!!
My tat is highly symbolic, and I love it. I used four flowers connected by a vine. They all represent life-altering occurrences in my life. The first one is for my father's illness and death. The second is my marriage. The third, with four petals, is representative of my four kids. And the last one is for my boyfriend and his companionship during the process and evolution I underwent during the last year or two of my marriage (he and I have been friends for many years and he was my confidante during the tanking stage of my marriage) and the first months after the separation. Off that fourth flower is a butterfly, poised for flight. The four colors used are each of my children's favorite colors.
Sappy, huh?
And for the belly ring....I think I've about decided on putting the diamond on a dangle (it's only 1/4 carat, after all) so I can interchange it with all my different rings. Congrats to you on the 80 pounds...and for keeping it off so long!!!! I've gained 12-13 pounds back, but I had really lost too much. I'm happier at this weight. But I can't gain anymore...I can see how the ring might lose it's allure if there's any more cushion around it, lol!!!
Lucky
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