I decided to leave, just have to endure this hell until I can move out!
Find a Conversation
|Sat, 02-22-2014 - 1:43am|
As you can see from my earlier post in this board, I was very distraut, and still am. However, after reading all the responses, I realized that yes, I do need to leave. He is placing all the blame on me and it's not healthy for m"e to be with him. It's not getting better and he's not willing to go to counseling again or change his behavior. He drinks very heavily and I believe he is also an alcohlic. I feel beaten down and depressed staying here with him. I feel guilt for my past mistakes because he keeps reminding me of them and I feel like there is something wrong with me because I cannot make our marriage work. He sleeps in the second bedroom and won't touch me. Today I said, hey, let's do something fun together. He said he didn't feel good and instead spent the evening outside walking around with an open alcoholic beverage and came home drunk. :( (he does this a lot)
I read "The Verbally Avusive Relationship" and discovered that he actually has been verbally abusive since the start of our marriage. It has only escalated throughout the marriage and now it is at an extreme level. I did not recognize it. Reading that book was a real eye opener! He was physically abusive one time but of course blamed it on what I had done to make him that mad. And I blamed myself! I need to get out of that kind of behavior. I am going to counseling.
I have a plan to move out and go live with my sister and then have him served with the divorce papers. I found a lawyer I like and am going to follow through with it. I hope I can stay strong during this time. I get that scared feeling that if I leave I will never find anyone else who will love me but then I think, "this isn't a loving relationship." I have to remember that. He hasn't been supportive of me after my sexual assault or when I was having major emotional problems (later diagnosed as bipolar) when we were living separately (he's in the navy). When I called him telling him I felt like the sky was collapsing on me and couldn't sleep he didn't tell me to see a doctor. Instead he said "are you trying to ruin my day? I'm trying to enjoy myself and you have to call me and try to ruin my day." It was awful to be yelled at like that when I was already feeling unstable. I think divorce is the only option.