I deserve better
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| Sat, 09-01-2007 - 12:57am |
I have been sitting here all night thinking, just like I have been thinking for the 2 months since he told me to leave. I finally started telling myself today that I deserve so much better than him. As much as I love him, and how can I not after raising to great boys together for 18 years. But he was never in it for love, he felt an obligation. That's what hurts so much. But I know I deserve to be with someone who loves me for me and doesn't feel some kind of obligation. I am a better person than that. What kind of husband spends so many years married to the same person and raise to kids and not be able to tell his wife if he ever loved her when she asked? I love him but right now I also hate him for what he has done to me. He has the rest of his life planned out with the girl he broke up with to be a father for my child. I didn't ask him to do that. And I so wished he hadn't. Then I wouldn't feel like the last 18 years have been a total lie. Maybe if I tell myself I deserve better, I'll eventually believe it.
Thanks for listening.

Yes you do!
You did nothing wrong 18 years ago.
I very much doubt he will find "true love" with this woman. My guess is there is a mental health issue going on for him.
The past 18 years have not been a lie -- he has changed *recently* and is making some poor and destructive choices.
You do deserve better!
M
Right now you may not believe it when you say it, but just wait, it will happen that you say it with meaning! I was very much in your shoes almost six years ago and while it took me a few years to finally have enough of his games and divorce him I learned that I really DO deserve better. I moved on and found that his problems were all his and I found someone who treats me and loves me like I deserve. What's more, while my now ex has pretty much decided that being involved with our kids (actually just one kid now since the other has stopped speaking to him for over a year) for more than a 15 minute conversation 2x a month is as much as he can give, my BF is amazing with my kids and they look to him very much as an involved father figure - something my ex never could do. Even though he said he only stayed with me/us out of obligation. Only married me because *I* wanted to, only had children with me because *I* wanted to, etc. Hang in there, you're in for a change for the better.
Melanie
Thank you, thank you, thank you. All of you make me feel like there is hope for me in this lifetime. I just hate that it takes so long. Hugs to everyone who made me feel better about myself and hugs to all the other women out there whether they have been hurt or not.
brokenbutterfly2007