I dont even know where to start....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
I dont even know where to start....
6
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 1:55pm

So, i posted yesterday as sleepless in Seattle. i got some replies from some very nice people so i thought why not, i will give this a try. Like they said just talking about it may help, even if i dont get a reply...


I am turning 29 at the end of this month and am starting all over again. In Seattle. I am staying with my sister and her family. I left my husband. We have been together for 13 years, married for 4. I met him when i was 16, he was 23. We have had so much happen to us in those years. He is an alcoholic and drug addict. We have had great times and horrible times. He hurt his back 2 years ago and got hooked on pills really bad. He is a musician, but hasnt been financially supportive in years. Anyway, to make a long story short, he started lieing, being mean, taking more pills then he said he was, blah blah. I told him i was reaching the end of my rope. He didnt care, he seemed to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Mon, 06-16-2008 - 5:46pm

All I can share is that until you're ready to give him up, nothing we can say will really help. Just like until he's ready to change (quit drinking/drugs), nothing you say to him will help/change him/make a difference. I've been married to an alcoholic for nearly 8 years, together for 9+. If I told you (or my family or even most of my friends) the things that have transpired over the years, and how bad they've been at time, you'd wonder why I didn't get out.


All I can tell you is you'll know when it's time. You'll know when you're ready. I'm finally at that point. You'll find yours too. I hope it's sooner than later, because we cannot change them. I wish you luck, peace and sanity as you deal with this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 11:35pm
Well, I understand what you are saying. Unfortunately, I think that some people do not know when enough is enough. I feel like I have had enough, and i have. But if by some unbelievable chance, he changes (with no help from me this time) then what? That is all I was saying. And my thoughts change evey second. But i did what I had to do, and I am proud of myself that I did. And I know I have to do this. For me. And I know it wasnt a mistake but then as soon as I write that I think what have I done????? I'm scared.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 7:23am

Molly,


First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 8:04am
I finally gave my ex the choice between alcohol or me and our kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 11:03am




It seems like it might be too soon to see if he is really changed.




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 1:37pm

Thank you. How long were you and your husband married?


I do remember what he was like, a long time ago, and throughout the years I have seen glimpses of him. Sometimes for a minute, sometimes for longer. I am not thinking of going back at this time. When I told him there was still hope, I meant maybe a year, or however long it took to know what was the right decision. I know he has a lot to work on, and I hope he does, but I am not waiting around for him to, because I have done that before. Many times. And I know I am totally codependent. In the past I would have made the appointments, made him go to meetings, do whatever it took to keep him in line. I realize that doesnt do anything except make him resentful and lazy, and me tired and angry. So, I am not doing that this time. So, I want to clarify that I am not just taking a breather. As wierd as this sounds, lesaving myself some hope, is the only way I have the strength to do this. Is that crazy?