I dont know how to let him go...
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| Fri, 07-11-2008 - 11:32pm |
I was with my ex-boyfriend for close to 2 years. We started our relationship on the wrong path. He was with me while still being involved with the mother of his 2year old son. He cheated on her left and right. When it was confirmed by herself and me, I immediately broke up with him. Soon after he broke up with her. For a duration of two months, he was asking me for forgiveness; I did not see him at all, but I did answer his calls. Well I forgave him and 8 months after we moved in together :-/
I was unable to trust him for the whole year that we lived together. I dont have any kids, so i was unsure about what was acceptable or unacceptable in a parenting conversation. They spoke about their son, personal life, they shared anecdotes about their new partners, etc. For me it was just too much, therefore we were always arguing. He claims that he never cheated on me, that he doesnt love his bm and that he just wants to be a good father. Since he lived 3 hours from his son and was unable to see him often, he needed to establish some type of bond with his bm in order to be on her good side and know about his son. I didnt understand this concept, and therefore I didnt trust him and he didnt trust me (supposedly bc my friends are loose).
The point is that I've broken up with him a few times, even while we were living together. I recently moved back home, 3 hrs away from him and I thought I would establish my life away from him, but it's not happening. This morning I appeared at my new job with swollen eyes, bc of all the crying last night. I cant do this with him anymore, but I dont know how to stop. During our conversation last night he told me that he's doing much better now, that his happy, closer to his son, and that I dont have the qualities that he is looking for in a woman; that he wasn't happy and he knows he has a lot of potential, but being with me simply made him feel confused bc im an indecisive and confused women. I was speechless. I woke up today and said that I will not be taking anymore of this, but I've said that soo many times. It's not the first time that he has said that to me. We have exchanged some gruesome things to each other.
I want to stop looking for excuses. I analyze the situation, every single word exchanged, all the text messages, voicemails, emails, etc. in order to try to understand; which leads me into contacting him again OR ACCEPTING HIS CALLS. But I just want to move on. I changed my cell phone number today and deactivated my facebook and myspace page. At this point I dont beleive in myself. I give it a week, and then I contact him to tell him that I miss him, etc. I dont know what else I can do. I just know that I need to stop. Can somebody give me some type of advice on this situation. I am almost convinced that I'm a masoquist. PLEASE HELP!!!

Hey,
Githela,
Hi. Here's a question to think about: What is it you hope will happen if you answer his calls or texts?
(What I think?) I think you're hoping he'll say "OH, yes, come to me! I will love you the way you want me to; the way you deserve to be loved! I will be everything I should be and never look back!" (Am I right?)
You know the truth about this relationship. He's never going to be able to commit...to ANYone. He's too emotionally immature to make that decision. You say you don't trust him. That's proof enough you're not going to have the kind of relationship you want and need.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
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