I don't know if I can do this
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I don't know if I can do this
| Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:59pm |
Hi, I've been reading since about Feb but am just now joining in. I really need to talk to someone about this. I am 34 and my STBX is 43.
My story is a really a long, complicated one, but I will try to keep it short. I've been married for almost 16 years..been with my STBX for 17 years. We have two children together, boys, ages 15 and 12. The 15 year old is mentally disabled. My STBX also has another son who is 17 with an ex-girlfriend who was really never in the picture up until last December when him and his mother decided to move back to our area.
As soon as my step-son

First of all, so sorry you are going through so
Yes, I managed to find only one lawyer that offered a free first-time consultation. All the rest are charging their usual hourly rates to see them the first time. I wasn't too impressed with this lawyer. He didn't really seem like he would try to fight for me. He basically just scared me, saying I would most likely be responsible for half of all the financial woes my STBX is causing. That, and he was one of the more higher priced attorneys in the area. The only really good thing he said throughout the whole time was that I could get spousal support. How much, I don't know. I know I wouldn't get as much as I need, but right now a hundred dollars means a lot.
I did try to go through legal aide, but for some unknown reason, they denied my case. They wouldn't tell me why. It can't be a financial reason, that is for sure. I know I would qualify.
To make matters worse, my STBX has been writting a bunch of bad checks. And, yes, one of the very first things I did go and do was close out my joint bank account with him and open one in my name. But, this is a small town and everyone is hesitant when they see ME write a check and they proceed to tell me what my STBX has done. I have got to the point to where I even hate going to the grocery store, so I try to do all of my business out of town.
My STBX is acting very recklessly in my opinion. I told him while I was worried about him and the mess he was putting himself in, I couldn't save him and just had to sit back and let him dig his own grave. I told him that I thought he needed counseling or to go see a Dr and that if he wanted, I would go with him or take him, but that he needed help. He agreed he needed something, but he's not going to any help. I know him well enough to know that.
I have really wracked my brain trying to make sense of all of this. I've thought long and hard, trying to come up with a reason that this is all happening. I can't think of a single thing I ever did so wrong to warrant this. Is it me...what is wrong with me? Or did he just lose it? The things he says to me are just awful. Noone should have to be treated that way. He even made the statement he wanted to hurry up and get this thing over with so he could go to the bar and get a whore (his own words) and come home and have sex with her when he wanted. I'm sure he was trying his best to hurt me and it worked.
He wanted to do a Do-it -yourself divorce to save money and I wouldn't agree to it because he is just wanting the boys and I to leave and give what little we do have to him and go. He wants us to hurry up and move away so he can get back in the house.
I wish I had some family nearby. I don't relish the idea of having to move back in with my mother. But, I really need some help right now. And, I have been seriously thinking of just up and leaving because I am so overwhelmed right now. I am not sure if I would be giving up all my rights to my share of all of our assets or not if I do go before the divorce is final. And, it would not be possible to come back up here for the divorce proceedings. My STBX did sign a paper saying that I could take the boys and move out of state with them. I don't think he would try to prevent me from doing that as this is what he wants. He doesn't want to be married. He doesn't want any responsibility. He doesn't want a family anymore. Not this family, anyway.
Wings,
Hi. My first advice is don't assume you won't qualify for child support because your son receives SSI. It doesn't matter what the source of your husband's income, he'll be required to pay child support.
You need legal advice and help with your son. Look in the blue pages of your phonebook under "united states" and Legal Aid. They have income guidelines, so find out if you qualify for at least an initial consultation. While you're there ask if you can file paperwork yourself at the local courthouse. (Some counties allow people to file their own, some require an attorney to do it.)
Then pick up the phone and find out if you would qualify for food stamps, medicaid, or other state assistance. You might not qualify immediately, but find out. You won't know if you don't ask. Also, find out what services are available to assist you with your son. Is there any respite care in your community? Is there any assistance with living skills, etc. You may also qualify for these services. Again, you won't know if you don't find out.
You also need to get in touch with all your creditors and explain you need a payment plan so you can meet your bills. Many will work with you if you take the intiative.
Good luck and keep us posted.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Some commonly misspelled words on this board:
You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Actually, I had the paperwork filed with the child support office and once the case was opened, I called to confirm that he would have to pay child support. They said that he wouldn't since the children were already getting checks from social security off of him.
I've checked into legal aid and for some reason or the other, that is not available for me.
I was able to get a good deal of food stamps and thank goodness all our medical expenses are covered through medicaid.
One of the very first things I did was try to see if there were any organizations around that could offer respite care or something to help. Unfortunately, there isn't.
I could eventually go into low income housing (which I don't want to do) but for right now my name is still on the deed to some of the property and I'd like to keep it that way till he decides he has to give me half of its value. So long as I have property in my name (it is in both of our names), I can't get government assistance with housing. It's not the home in my name, but the land. They said it didn't matter.
I feel a little bit better today about things. I had trouble sleeping last night so I got up early and went and checked my email while everyone was asleep. I seen him go by in his truck not long after. He is going with his ex out of state to see his son for the weekend. His son
Hi, angelwings, I read this on the weekend, but for some reason, my home computer wouldn't let me post a reply.
Your situation sounds pretty sad right now.