i don't know where to start??
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| Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:25am |
my life is one big punchline! and if not a punchline, it is a text book case of how to screw up a marriage once and for all!!
i've said all this before, but here it goes:
stbx lost a very good job about 5 years ago. (we've been married for 20 years) he never recovered. he has always been a heavy drinker, but with the onset of being unemployed, he began to drink more and more. he continued to lose job after job, drink more and more, get into deeper debt, etc...
to make a long story short, i finally had it, filed for divorce in december, moved out in january. he never showed up for court and the judge tossed it because apparently the sheriff did not serve the papers correctly. he quit yet another job and has been sitting on the couch since the beginning of january. so he has, no job, no money, nothing. yesterday, he called DS (15) who just made a bunch of money digging the neighborhood out after another winterstorm and asked him for toilet paper and money for milk! WTF!!!!
This is a 43 year old man, not disabled, not unable to work, just apparently screwed up in the head to the point where he can't find his way out.
AND to make this story even worse, because he cannot hold a job, our house went to foreclosure, we had to file bankruptcy, i have no health insurance for my children, (because when he quit his job he lost it AGAIN), i used my entire retirement fund (over 100k) to keep him. then he has the nerve to call me on the phone and call me honey, tell me he loves me, asks me if we are going to get back together. oh brother! and if that isn't bad enough............
last thursday i met some friends at a bar/restaurant for a drink. he sat in the parking lot of the restuarant and waited for me to leave. i was there for an hour and a half. then he followed me home, called me repeatedly, and when i stopped answering the calls and text messages, he started to leave me vms calling me a slut and a whore, threatened to take the children away from me because i was drinking and driving, (not true) and a whole host of other bizzare weird things. friday we had to file our final paperwork for bankruptcy. i refused to go with him, so we took separate cars. he glared at me initally when he arrived, then became really nice, then turned again when we left. he called me friday night and apologized and cried for his actions in the past 24 hours.
unbelievable. then he wonders why i left

I have been thinking about you; wondering how you were doing. I am SO incredibly sorry! I cannot imagine the pain, frustration, anger, outrage. I am SO SO sorry! And for your children. Is your son at least out of that house and with you?
Oh, I hope he cleans up his act. Not so you will get back together, but so he won't be such a burden and your children will have a Dad again.
I am glad you are still coming to the board.
I hope things get better soon!
M
m
hey, thanks for the response. hes not the man i married, nor am i the same woman. however, we have children. and they need things: clothes, food, braces, eye exams, routine health care. things i cannot pay for on my own. i'm bankrupt. i have no money. my god, we lost our home to foreclosure. i live pay check to paycheck. i have to account for EVERY PENNY!!! why can't he see this? he's asking his 15 ds to buy him milk. he was served again yesterday, i'm sure he's at rock bottom, but i don't know what else to do. i want out, i don't love him, don't respect him, i cannot support him. i want a life: a new, rewarding, fulfilling life, full of love, and mutual respect. not with someone who makes me feel responsible for his issues (unable to hold a job, unable to interact with his children, unable to stop drinking).
i'm really low today. i hate this sinking ship feeling.
on a positive note: ds moved in with me on 2/19. and i've noticed the biggest change in him. he no longer fixes himself a plate at dinner time and goes to his room. he sits at the dinner table and eats with us, (his sister and i) we are talking again, not yelling. he gets up and gets ready for school, no fighting. i ran into his foreign language teacher who told me that he has noticed a big improvement in him. he asked me what was different, and i gave him the cliff note version. this truly gives me some piece of mind in my decision.
C.
WAY TO GO!!!
I am so happy to hear about your son, God bless him and his mom!
I am so sorry to know how low your poor stbx has gone, but you are right to take care of yourself and the children and rebuild. You have stayed with the sinking ship through foreclosure and bankruptcy -- yes, it is time to move on! What a brave woman you are.
Just curious ... if the bank makes more on the sale of the house than you owe -- does that go back to you? Or to pay off other debt? Or is it all the bank's?
You are carrying so much more than me, but, funny, today is a tough one for me too. Held my older dd this am and cried (she didn't notice, thank goodness).
This afternoon is another meeting with the child psych and we have reached an impass -- my stbx insists on living an hour away by metro with no car. How can he have the kids on school nights??? Have them walk the 1/2 mile to metro, metro 1/2 hour, walk the 1/4 mile(?) to his squalid (a whole other issue) apartment and then reverse it 2 hours later to come home for bed .. with homework to do and an early school day the next am? I think that is why I am so low--I am dealing with irrationality at best and the ones to suffer will be my kids.
So trivial compared to your burden, but it is what has me sad today!
Hope you feel better soon!
M
M-
I agreed to surrender the home in bankruptcy. It was purchased in 2002 for $435K and is worth well over 750K. I get NOTHING, BUT A BLACK MARK ON MY CREDIT. The equity in that home was to buy us a retirement home, or help to finance my start up business, or help to pay for college, etc..(you get the picture) now its nothing but a source of frustration, embarrasment, and loss. (much like my life and marriage.)
sigh.........
and your concerns are not trivial. loss is loss, heartache is heartache. life is unfair and cruel at times, but i try to look at my children and find peace and joy. i'm breaking the chain, i love them and they love me. right now, thats all i need. i'm sure you feel the same.
another positive note: i am now sleeping at night. the collection calls have stopped, i am living within my means and moving forward.
c