I don't think I can do this.
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I don't think I can do this.
| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 12:52pm |
I move out this week and I'm really okay with everything but it is so hard. I think I have a hold on this thing but then I just start crying all over again. It's been less than a month since this all started and I'm just losing it everyday. I don't have anyone to really talk to because I'm so ashamed. Please someone tell me it gets easier. Right now I just want to go off on my own and never come back to my life.

You can do this and it does get better. In the initial days, whether the separation/divorce was your decision or not, it is a huge change and you are mourning the loss. You don't need to be ashamed; please reach out to someone. If you feel there isn't someone in your life to whom you can talk, consider speaking to a counselor. Even if there is someone in your life, working with a professional is still a great idea. You need someone who will not judge you and doesn't have anything invested in anything other than what is best for you and helping you make good decisions for yourself.
And I promise you - it gets easier with time.
I'm right there with you strssmnky. I can't eat, my stomach constantly hurts, I feel like I want to throw up. I also have no desire to do anything. I want to just lay in bed and watch TV. I try not to cry because I have kids around. But when I'm alone I do plenty.
I was tired of not being able to talk to anyone. I feel like it is deceptive to both our families, as well as eating me up inside. My Husband is the one that started this, by saying he wants to leave. But it has now been about 4mo and he's still here. I'm tired of being in this limbo, so I've decided to take control of my life. I read on some board this weekend (maybe it was here) that the first thing you have to do is take care of yourself. So that is what I'm going to do. Keep ME As The Focus! I've called about a counseling appt. and decided I would go by myself. Since he has refused to go. I figure that no matter how this all ends up, counseling is going to help me and my children either way.
I've also shared my problem with my sister, and one other friend. It was a relief to finally get it all off my chest and start at support group of my own.
I hope it does get better, for the both of us. Keep coming to this board, because I can tell you it has made me feel better just in the past couple of days I've been here. It's nice to know that people are going through a lot of the same things we are, and helpful to hear of the different ways to handle the situation.
Thanks to both of you. I broke down at work today and called our EAP. Talked to a psychologist in the bathroom for a while and I have appointment with a counselor tomorrow. It's eating me up inside not being able to talk to someone face to face. Oh, I can talk to my husband but he hasn't been here this weekend and I think that's what it made it harder than it's been. The psychologist also talked me into calling my primary care doc and getting something. I wanted to go as long as possible without doing that but I realized that maybe she was right. 1-3 hours of sleep a night and then being gone for work 10 hours just doesn't cut it. At least I'm losing the weight I needed to. Once I'm in my own place I have plans to really start taking care of myself. That is Saturday and I hope to make it that long. I still wonder what I did in my life that was so bad to deserve this. I do have positive support at work though from the 3 people I have told. Next week after I've moved I plan to start going to a support group that I have found near where I live. I think it will help being around other people like me. I hope so anyway. I kind of think it's sad though that so many people are going through this. I hate that so many people are so unhappy.
I hope things pick up for you and everyone else and that we can all find happiness again sooner rather than later.
Hang in there, lady. I spent several months being a total wreck. Then I found my friends were right, it does get better. Getting a support system is vital. Taking care of yourself for a change is also vital. After a year of separation, I am finally at peace with the idea of divorce. It was a struggle for me not because of children (mine is grown), but because of religious reasons. And the fact that H & I never fought for 25 years, then after 32 years he tells me this marriage has been over at least 7 years, that I just don't want to admit it. Long story short - he is not the man I loved even 10 years ago. His addictions have become his mistress, and I can't fight it. I can only be responsible for myself and my actions and REactions. Another message board here, Codependent No More, has been a great help to me by getting me to see that my marriage has been headed for divorce for MORE than 7 years. I just didn't have the tools I needed before now.
I'm the one that moved out. Son said I was the only one with enough nerve to end it. I definitely prefer to be happy!! And after a few months, it does get better. I like my life again. I have friends, a very special Christian male friend, my own home and a job I like a lot. I WILL SURVIVE!! I don't need to be told I'm fat or stupid, or spend too much time taking care of other people and going to church. Especially since I took care of "disabled" H for over 25 years, and go to church once a week. When the stress lets up, the cravings for junk food do too. I've been eating much healthier, and feel better than I have in YEARS!! I get more exercise and have to keep buying clothes - mine keep getting too big.
Roll with the emotions - you are entitled to mourn the loss of your marriage. You are entitled to feel lonely, sad, angry, and all the other things. Just don't let the H drag YOU down. Deal with the emotions and move on. I know it sounds easy, but it is very difficult. This is by far the hardest year I have ever been through. But I know I am headed the right direction, and I know My God will take care of me if I stay in His Word and wait for His will to be done, not mine.
Prayers and Hugs 2 U
T
It is AMAZING what strength you have hidden inside you. I am one year from moving out of a sad and unfulfilling marriage. I remember being where you are now, and my heart breaks for you. I too was wondering how in the he** I was ever going to survive and stay upbeat for my daughters. But I did. I had the help of a few close friends who took turns being my sounding board, this message board where I read advice from those who had "gone before me", etc.
Here is my favorite advice from a good friend who emailed me back after I vented to her about why I had ever married my H in the first place since we were so clearly not right for each other. Maybe it will help you too? Even if not, I promise that you will make it. Just take care of yourself and let yourself feel whatever emotions that you feel.
"Most of the time, we make the best decisions at any given time based on the information we have available. Later, new information may make it clear that it wasn't that good a decision, but you can't really regret it. For one, it does you no good. Secondly, how could you have made a better decision without this new information. My grandmother (a devout Mexican Catholic) used to always tell me that some of the strange things that happen to us in life or that we do in life, are just God's way of teaching us how to dance. So this was a particularly tricky step you learned. And you seem to be learning it well. It couldn't have all been negative. You have two outstanding daughters
from that marriage! Focus on the positives and on moving on."