I dont understand why is he doing this

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
I dont understand why is he doing this
4
Sat, 03-01-2008 - 3:55am

My daughter came home last week (she is 4) telling me she "got married" on the weekend.

My ex left me over 2 years ago and yes while he denied it, wouldnt tell me where he was living with my daughter etc etc. It was the woman he has now married.

The most painful part of our breakup has been not being able to be with my daughter on a day to day basis while she was so young (he insisted on shared custody and I work full time). I never expected I would give birth and have to share my baby with another mother. My daughter tells me she now has two mommys. She has never known a time when there was just me as her mother .

While I support and want my daughter to have many loving relationships (and she does). It feels unnatual to share my mothering role. I shouldnt have had to give that away.

Not knowing who this other woman is she loves so much and what involvement she has, has made that pain just so much more awful. Unfortunately the law doesnt cover morals and ethics and the ex seems to get immense pleasure out of my pain.

(I found out from my daughter, daddy lived with this woman, just like I did their engagement and now marriage)My ex refuses to allow us to meet her - even though i have requested this on a number of occasions.

His excuse to the courts when I requested this in councelling is that he thinks I will be verbally abusive ( real reason he doesnt want me talking about anything that would expose his lies).

I know while he may not be a good ex he is a great father and of course I want whats best for my daughter.

There are a million other issues as well as this one (like refusing to allow me to attend her swimming lessons, when she is in his care, even though it is a public place)

My ex is manipulative and deceiptful and for that I am pleased to be away from him. But our shared parenting arrangement is highly charged and the law seems stacked on his side - because my issues are moral ones.

I would greatly appreciate any advise from others who may have been in a similar situation on dealing with my pain and my ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 03-01-2008 - 5:51am

OMG, How horrible. Heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I WISH there was something I could say to make you feel better.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 2:42am

rich

Thank you. if I could find that magic wand that allows me to accept what he does. I'd do it in a heartbeat. The problem is - I cant get past thinking this is wrong for our daughter.

And because of that I cant let go. And even if I did let go of all this . There will be more for sure, what do I do then???

Thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 8:54am

Hi there jasmin,


You need to be the best mother you can be during the time you are with your child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 10:12am

So sorry you are having to go through this painful experience.