I explained everything and he still got

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
I explained everything and he still got
3
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 6:29pm

I have tried to be as diplomatic as possible for the sake of my children. My STBX and I had a meeting with my attorney to go over the divorce. Weeks before the meeting, I had told my STBX what the CS, Alimony, and how much he would have to pay me for 1/2 of the assets which he intends on keeping. In the meeting he understood everything - no ??'s for the attorney. As we drove in my car (I was dropping him off to his truck), he starts telling me since I work for a family business (which he also works for and is very well paid), I can pay myself whatever I need so that he isn't hurt financially. Basically, he wants my family to support me and our kids so he can continue to live the life I have allowed him to become accustomed. I have been counting to ten in my head lately so I don't blurt out anything because it only escalates into an argument and to be quite honest, I'm tired of the arguments. He is so manipulative and know exactly what to say to me to get me to do what he wants.

His last comment while getting out of my car was "I'll probably get fired - then you'll have to hunt me down for the money"

Now in code this means - I want you to do something about the cs or alimony or give me a raise so I can continue my carefree lifestyle, own a 2300 s.f. house, and drive 2 harleys (as far as I know he can only drive one at a time). I have tried to be as fair as possible. The attorney said today I should get 55% of assets, I told her 50%. As I said, he knows I love him, hate the fact we are getting a divorce, and still has control over me. Tomorrow he will probably ask me to go for a bike ride on the bike, take me to look at the condos as he promised, and try to sweet talk me into accepting next to nothing for CS and alimony. Anyways, I just needed to write this to convince myself I deserve the money for the kids to have a good life and he was the one who had the kids not the family business.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 7:45pm

Hang in there girl,

Just a suggestion but stop playing make a deal with him. Let the attorneys do their jobs. My STBX is a manipulative bully and I was crazy enough to try mediation with him (he is also an attorney and very good at negotiations).

Every deal I put on the table he rejected outright. Then he offered me next to nothing. We've been married almost 17 years and in my state that qualifies me for permanent alimony but he only wanted to pay me for 5years (our youngest child is 6 and I haven't worked in 11 years!) Mind you, this is a man who makes over $300,000/year and who will some day be earning twice that.

The point is, men like that will manipulate you if you give them the chance. He does not have your best interest at heart!

Listen to what your attorney has to say and don't listen to anything he has to say.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 6:17pm

I have to concede to his demands right now until he refinances and buys me out of this house. If I don't, I get stuck with all the repairs needed to sell the house. The way the market is around here, the houses are not selling quickly. I am choosing not to keep the house. It is 35 miles away from my family and work and frankly I am lonely out here, which, I found out today is part of the reason he doesn't want to work at this marriage. He is bored and I didn't take care of myself. Funny thing is that I have lost 20 pounds and working out everyday..

His thinking is I have $$ from my father's business and if I don't work with him, he's threatening to take me to court and sue ME for support and alimony whenever my father decides to sell me the business. My only thought process is to play his game until he pays me for 1/2 the house. Get the hell out of here with the kids and then let the cards lie where they may. He could leave the state at any moment and honestly, if that's his prerogative, then more power to him. He will be the one lonely in the end when the kids won't know him. I don't wish that upon him, however, he doesn't want to work at this marriage. Thanks for listening.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 01-07-2007 - 10:47am

Over,


You say your father owns the family business? If so, it's not legally any part of a divorce settlement.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020