I feel heartless b/c I feel indifferent
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| Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:49pm |
I'm normally a very emotional person and did get so depressed over H rejecting me, then realizing he was probably up to something and realizing that I just didn't care anymore. My problem is that I feel so heartless that I just don't care anymore - that the thought of him with someone else, as long as I don't get an STD from it or as long as I can get evidence of it (still no concrete proof), doesn't bother me. I didn't feel like that 2 years ago when his behavior and attitude really got bad. I just don't seem to really feel anything for him anymore and wonder if I should feel guilty because of that, especially since a DD is involved.
Part of me tells me that I'm ready for the big D (and I don't mean Dallas, LOL!). Now if I can only get it started! Should I tell him first that I don't want to be married to him anymore and then secure an apartment? Should I tell him after I've secured an apartment? Should I get an apartment, move some stuff in and then tell him? I've already had a consultation with an attorney and made copies of financial documents, but nothing else has been done. My state has a one year waiting period for no fault divorces with kids; no waiting if fault (e.g., if I can get concrete usable proof of infidelity).
I am just so tired of feeling this way and know that DD deserves a happy mom who doesn't have to live with someone who is emotionally abusive and doesn't seem to care about his wife. I've got to do something but I guess I worry if I should because of having her, like I still need to do something or wait for something on his end, almost like I care too much what others think. HELP!
Edited to add - I've expressed my concerns with him, how we seem to be drifting apart, should we talk to someone, etc., but he says "well, I think I should see someone" (no mention of us), or if I point out something that hurt me to him, he doesn't express remorse. I've been in IC forever and just don't seem to get better with him around. Also, I think if he's depressed, getting treated for that is not going to treat his underlying personality defect - I know getting treated for mine helped my mood immensely but did not change my basic personality.
Edited 8/30/2006 1:04 pm ET by crafty1985

I would find a apartment first,
Thanks! I think the big problem of me stalling to tell him is that he may actually (or say he does, which is probably not true) want to stay with me and "guilt" me into staying. Obviously I do things that I think I SHOULD do, not necessarily what I WANT to do. Also, the possible physical abuse I brought up in an earlier post may sit in the back of my mind and be a concern. I don't think it would come to that, but you never know; he's got this simmering rage under his cool surface, it seems.
Edited to add - Every day I drive by one of the two apartment complexes I've been looking at and just long for my own place with me, DD and the dogs. I daydream about how it would be set up and what furniture I would take or have to buy. Since my H travels a great deal, I've been on my own with DD and the dogs many many times and have gotten lots of "practice." My worry is the whole "abandonment" grounds - if I move out and even tell H that, can he file on the grounds of abandonment??
Edited 8/30/2006 1:17 pm ET by crafty1985
I don't know the laws in your country in Sweden we don't have that.