I feel so out of control

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
I feel so out of control
8
Sun, 08-31-2008 - 10:16am

I don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Sun, 08-31-2008 - 12:51pm

Keep in mind that he's only looking out for himself at this point. And I'll tell you, the $$ part of custody can make a man change. They think we get the money. And we're spending it on ourselves. They don't think about the gas to drive the children around. Or the groceries we buy to make their lunches. Or the shoes they need because their feet grow so fast. He just sees it as you're taking his hard earned money. And typically the more overnights someone has the child, the less money they pay out for child support. I'm boiling it down for simplicity sake, but that is basically the gist of it.


So remember he's trying to make you feel like a

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 08-31-2008 - 12:56pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you other than try to keep in mind that this isn't really about you or your parenting skills or even your son. It's about control, plain and simple. It sounds like you both worked out a plan that you both felt was best for your son, and now he's been advised to change it not for his son's sake, but for some other reason. That's not fair. I wish I had some pearl of wisdom to share with you, but I'm certainly sending some cyberhugs your way...

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Sun, 08-31-2008 - 2:36pm

First of all, I just want to tell you how sorry I am that your STBX is being a jerk. If he wants to try to use your PPD against you, it won't work. The judge will see that you had a problem, sought out help and are now cured. Besides, PPD is kinda common in women who just had a child. Now, if you had PPD and DIDN'T get help, then he might have something against you.

The fact that he didn't want you to get a hotel room so that you and your son could have a cooler place to stay shows that he's just a neglectful parent. He thinks he's just making you suffer, but what he doesn't realize is that he is making his own child suffer.

I would advise you to see an attorney IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!! He sounds like he is going to try to make you out as the bad parent (good luck, since he wants his son to have a heat stoke!). I would document any thing negative he says/does to you and/or your son.

I don't know why these men turn into Mr.Hyde as soon as they want a divorce. You just hang in there and we are here if you need us. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Sun, 08-31-2008 - 7:19pm
First of all, he can "advise" you all he wants, but your first priority is your child's wellbeing. If that means going to a hotel for the night, then he has no say in it. Also, I'm not sure what the laws are in your state, but until a judge gives temporary of permanent custody orders, you can take your son when and where you want. As far as him asking for more custody, I will give you the bad news- many states (including mine) are going to 50/50 parenting time. The plus side is that a Judge or mediator will take into account who has cared for the child (and it seems that you have provided the majority of care). They will also take into account the child's age. Judges, from what I hear do not like to separate young children from the mothers. Finally, please start documentation of everything questionable he does (i.e., stopping you from going to hotel). This will only help your case and why you should provide majority of care and he should have visitation. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 2:32am

No, he CANNOT tell you what to do w/ your son when its your parenting time.


I unfortunatly cannot tell you that a judge wont give him 3 overnites a week - but i also have heard that that woudl be considered a lot of time away from a mom, for a 2 yr old.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 6:20pm

Hi Rebecca.... smooth sailing these days, or just keeping the boat from rocking too much???


Think of you and Ave often!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 09-02-2008 - 10:02pm

HA! "Smooth sailing"?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 09-03-2008 - 12:16am

Wow!... I just always hope it will be better... and I guess if you're getting supervised visits, that is better on some fronts.....


THIRD grade.... BIG step.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~