I go one way and then another
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I go one way and then another
| Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:46am |
Last night I confused my STBX. I kind of implied I would go back to him. I do this...act like I’m not sure in my choice to leave him and get a divorce. I think in part, because of a real fear that if I tell him the truth how will he act. Will he make my life miserable until he leaves? Will we get into one big fight that lasts until Friday night? Part of it, is being unsure within myself. Maybe unclear of it is a better way to put it...unclear that this is how I truly stand. Also, I hate conflict and this choice will bring it on so being unclear negates heavy conflict. I have fears about the future and how I will take care of myself. So, pat of me is wish-washy about this choice for fear of the unknown…will I be okay on my own maybe I should just continue to live with him. But, no that is not a good chive with him my dreams cannot happen and I live in a very bad place. And so in a leap of faith I move on…yes!

Okay, lets start with the answers to your questions:
Will he make my life miserable until he leaves? Absolutely.
Will we get into one big fight that lasts until Friday night? Absolutely.
Before you ask the next question, and since you have a child together, you and he will HAVE TO LEARN how to deal with one another, in a civilized and respectful way, if only for the best interest of the child.
There you go. No need to wonder or stress over the unknown.
Now for you, try to seperate your feelings about him and worries about the unknown. Don't couple them. When they are coupled, you will lead yourself into unending questioning about your decisions.
And if you are still questioning the correctness about divorcing, you haven't exhausted every option available to salvage the marriage.
So if you beleive that you have left "no rock unturned" in order to keep your marriage, or the things you would need to do are not possible or wrong, then you are done thinking about your decision. (For example, my ex wanted me to get depro-provera shots in order to chemically castrate me, so I would no longer want sex or physical contact, I was unwilling to do this. So there were things I could do to stay married, but it was WRONG!!!) Write down your reasons to get divorced, wrap a bow around it, and do not go back to these thoughts. They are not helping you.
Good luck.
I'm with ya... it's hard to be definitive when you don't know what being divorced will really be like (and that you just don't know until it happens), and it's hard, too, when you don't know what to expect, behavior and emotion wise, from your spouse.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~