I got the car today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
I got the car today...
4
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 8:10pm

Today we traded cars. We agreed that we would take a car...and he had agreed to let my 5 yr old DD choose. Since I had been using the other one from the one she had wanted, we met up at his mom's house (where he is now staying at) to switch. I gave him my set of keys and he gave me his. The two car keys always reminded me that we were together...if either one of us got locked out we always had each other to count on to have the spare. Yeah, it's corny to have thought that. Everything is in his name so he had to sign the car over to me. It just seems so final. My daughter was playing around with him. They get along so well. It breaks my heart knowing that "our family" is gone and she really doesn't understand it and he didn't take on that responsibility or he just didn't take it that seriously because she's not biologically his. How could I have put us through that? How could I have brought in a man into our lives that would not stick around and just run away like a coward?

BREATHING...

I just kept typing and all that just spilled out as the tears did too. I'm glad that I got that out because I know those are emotions that I need to deal with. Any words of wisdom?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 9:46pm

Sometimes when people ask these questions (How could I have put us through that? How could I have brought in a man into our lives that would not stick around and just run away like a coward?), the answer is another question or two. Did you go into the situation KNOWING the outcome? Did you wake up in the morning and say "What should I do today to cause emotional damage to my children?"

I highly doubt it. Psychotic people probably make plans like that, but non-psychotics make mistakes.

We make poor choices, but not on purpose. Hopefully we learn from our mistakes. I know I've learned from mine! I've made many mistakes, some of them real doozies, but I've learned from them and grown as a person because of them.

It gets better! Growth is never a bad thing.

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 9:58pm

Well.... first off, its not an easy time... just know that you'll have your good times and bad and try to let yourself experience the emotions you are feeling at the time, if at all possible... I always found that holding the emotions in just intensified them (and you know I'm talking about the wanting to cry ones here)...

Sending lots of hugs and wishes for peace your way!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 1:13am

I don't think the car thing is corny. Today I lost my keys and was immediately hit with the realization that I no longer had that other person to turn to. The other half of my keys. I think questioning your decisions at a time like this is also really normal. I asked my best friend today how I could have created 3 children with a man that would leave them. We created these children from nothing and before they were grown he walked out. It's very hard to accept, but I think a very normal thing to be processing. Be strong.


Hugs.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:00am
I don't think it's corny either. It's the little reminders of daily life that are the hardest in some ways. We shouldn't blame ourselves for what happened, but I find myself doing the same thing. I am so angry at myself and at times just hate myself for how things turned out. My 'perfect' family - we have a toddler - is no longer. I never wanted my child to grow up without a father in the home. But what can I do? Live with a man that I don't get along with? Who has a bad temper and can be verbally abusive? What makes it so hard is that he is a good father to her. It's me that he doesn't treat so great. There are times when I just wish I were dead. This is so hard.
Kelly