I got served...... now what?
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I got served...... now what?
| Sun, 10-29-2006 - 4:46am |
Okay, so I left my husband almost 1 year ago for several reasons but one being that I was unhappy and wanted to decide if I really wanted to spend the rest of my life in a relationship of comfort but not true love.


Your advice on another board was highly appropriate. When you think the grass is greener - it likely isn't. If you're still with your AP, I would first break it off so your STBX cannot so easily use it as a mark against you - although infidelity doesn't usually affect the amount of child support - it can affect custody - depends on what kind of judge you get.
My advice is lawyer up -sounds like your STBX is going for the jugular - as I would if my cheating ex-H had wanted to get custody.........
Edited 10/29/2006 9:33 pm ET by lifeisgrand2005
jlc0177...
Pianoguy apologizes for "sounding like a man"...but he has to AGREE with your husband!
You DID put him 'on hold' for AN ENTIRE YEAR! You didn't indicate where you were (or with whom)? So your husband went ahead, spoke with a divorce lawyer, and got his terms down on paper! This doesn't mean you have to accept ALL or ANY of them! But you WILL have to come up with a few acceptable alternatives if you don't like the ones your husband created?
This is where a lawyer or legal advisor comes in handy. Especially when it comes to child and spousal support money...not to mention where your son will be living?
I think your major issue is to try and get over the 'let's keep thing equal' issue!
Ask yourself instead: "WHAT IS BEST FOR MY 2 YEAR OLD SON...and MY OWN "PEACE OF MIND?" As far as claiming a child as a dependent on his income taxes, your husband can only do this if your son is primarily LIVING with him?
Are you making enough of an income where you can convince a judge that you'd prefer 'primary custody' of your son? Once again...this is an issue you need to talk to your lawyer about.
Pianoguy
You know, sometimes when the harsh reality finally arrives it's harder than you thought it'd be. My STBX and I had a very long time between when I said I wanted out to when he moved out and I filed. Even though I knew it was coming, it hit me hard. I didn't want to be married to him anymore, but when we sat down and told the kids we were divorcing, the reality in facing that we were changing their lives forever and this REALLY was happening, broke me. I was a mess for quite a while. Panic attacks, uncontrollable sobbing, etc. Hang in there. You'll be okay no matter how this goes. And if you've realized that you made a huge mistake then chalk it up to a huge life lesson learned and move on.
I am interested -- when you left, what did you think your husband was going to do?
Nonetheless, you are facing a very precarious situation. And you do have choices!
Getting a lawyer is sound advice. Your situation involves many technical legal issues, and your child complicates matters.
However, I worry about your present course.
You are responding to your husbands service. Like a knee jerk reaction. Lawyer's love this, because its a clear indication that YOU are likely to surrender your role in negotiations and have the lawyer do it. A lawyer sees you as a gigantic bag of money.
In other words, you are on the verge, by your reaction, of costing your and your husband your combined assets largely because you would not make a choice regarding your marriage. (And in retrospect, not making a choice is in fact a choice.)
You need to get your head together and quick.
You left the family residence for over a year. You did not file for seperation. In the past year, who has been paying for what relative to the family residence and child care? Where have the kids been staying?
Your husband has a legitimate case for custody. He sounds like he can provide a more stable environment for your son at this point in time. Although you did not state this, it sounds like you would need spousal support and child support to take care of your son. In a court room situation, the judge will ask you what you were doing for the last year. How are you going to answer? Its not like your husband was beating you, or smoking crack, or selling meht out of the house.
As for your son, he's been exposed to a divorce situation since the day you left. Finishing the legal matters sooner is better for him.
As you are the mother, therefore you posses an inherent advantage in family court. You can fight your husband, and probably win. But that will take time, a LOT of money, and untold emotional harm to your son, your husband, and you.
Although your husband "hounded" you every day, he waited for a year before he brought suite against you. So he sounds like a potentially reasonable man. Try to get all of the issues negotiated directly between you and he without the lawyers.
At some point in time, it will be too late to deal directly with your husband because of all of the legalities involved. But that time has not yet happened.
Do what is best for your son. Be a good mother. Take care and good luck.