I have filed for divorce...
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| Sat, 08-25-2007 - 1:32pm |
Wow where to start....well if you have read my other post you know we have been separated since May 22 of this year and that we have 3 boys 10,8,and 4. My H has a severe drinking problem and I have suspected a OW.
I never had proof and he would not be clear about what he wanted to do with our marriage. I had even offered to go down and file but he did not want me to do that. He took my kids to a waterpark on a Wends and to the beach on the Sunday after that. My kids mostly the oldest were acting very strange when they came back from those trips with their dad, I asked them what was wrong and they would say nothing. Finally I was giving my 4 year old a bath and he said mommy there was a girl at the beach and I said a girl and he said yeah I did not know her. I walked into the living room and asked the older 2 if there was a girl with them, they both started crying and saying we are sorry we lied daddy told us not to tell you anything. I was furious he told his boys to lie to me about the last 2 times they were with him about this woman. He told my boys they had to be nice to her and they even seen their dad kissing this woman. At one point one of them told him why are you kissing her when your are already married and he had the nerve to say he was only being friendly.
Well I called him and went off, he of course being the POS he is said there was nothing wrong with what he did. I can not understand how he could subject his children to this. I decided at this point that he had backed me into a corner and I had to do something. When he was doing this to me that was one thing but now he has involved our kids. I took the rest of his clothes and put them on the porch where he is staying and took the papers down to legal aid and signed everything. He called all night Mon. and than started agian on Tues. and him and the OW perceded to call me throughout the day. They said awful things to me and I could not believe that he would just let some random whore talk to someone that he has been married to for 11 years now. I at one point said let me talk to my H and she said your XH when I said we are still married. This went on and on but I did not let them know I was upset. I waited until I hung up on them to breakdown!
He still has not been served and is now withholding money from me because I will not let him take the kids from the home. I have had a tough couple of days and today being my 30th birthday does not help. I sit here and think does he ever even think about us, does he even care about the hurt and turmoil he has created, does it even effect him at all cause all I get from him is anger. I just wish this was not so hard to do. I am still not over the feelings I have for him and still hope someway he will realise what he has done. I have stuck by him through everything in our marriage I was there when noone elas was and now the OW gets to benefit from all of that! I also found out that she is way big and not pretty at all....wth
Well I have wrote enough thanks to everyone that made it this far.
C

{{{HUGS}}}
Sounds really awful.
OBVIOUSLY, he is doing something wrong--it is called adultery and she is legally called a paramore (sp?).
As for the kids witnessing it -- again OBVIOUSLY WRONG. Many custody plans include provisions that the Xs will not introduce any new SO until they have been involved for a significant period of time (6 months, say).
It is extremely traumatic for children to see their parents, newly separated, being intimate with another person. It is outrageous.
You do need to be careful, however, about keeping the children from him--that could be used against you in court.
You do need to document every phone call you have received and the harrassing nature. That will work against him. You also need to document his withholding money -- that is abandonment!
I hope you have friends and family irl who can help and support you!
Hugs again!
M
Thank you for your replies....I do have a wonderful support system with several family members and great friends who have stepped up to help me with anything.
I have wrote down everything that has gone on since he left. I wrote down all the phone calls and what they were about, I have also wrote down all the times he told the kids he was coming and never showed up or called. I also have messages saved on my cell where he is completely drunk saying horriable things to me.
About the kids I am not keeping them from him, I just told him that until we had our temp orders that I did not want them to leave my possesion, due to if he did not return them there would be nothing I could do until we went to court. He has proven many times how unstable and how untrustworthy he is. I assume him being an alcholic has made this situation even worse as he is out to hurt me. He also of course blames me for everything that has happened. He even called Thursday which had been 2 weeks since any of us have talked to him to ask me about money...I guess since I am not begging him for money he does not have that control so he is trying to regain it. My IC said he is upset cause he is losing that control that alcholics love to have. He even had the nerve to tell me that him and the ow are not together anymore because I screwed that up just like I do everything in his life. Oh the nerve!
The sad part about it is I still love this man! My boys love him dearly and miss their daddy. He is so sick and there is nothing noone can do to help him, and that hurts. It hurts to see him destroy himself this way......I miss the man I married not the man he has become. I keep praying that he will hit bottom and get the help he needs so badly, before it is to late.
Thanks if you made it this far....
C
Sorry to hear about your problems.
My husband is having mental issues as well. He acts like he is bipolar. That is why I am holding off the divorce until he gets a little better. We both know the marriage is over, but if we start the divorce process right away, I am afraid the rug will be swept out from underneither us and things will be changing fast. Right now he has his own place (with her) and the girls and I have the house. Bills are being paid. I will wait a few more weeks before I start the paperwork.
That sucks he is calling you drunk and saying things to you. At least my husband and I say nothing. When he calls (which by the way is not very often) I had the phone to the girls right away.
Happy Birthday!!!!
I'm sorry the circumstances don't merit a celebration, but it's still your day. Don't forget you are special in every way.
Take care of yourself.
All is not lost. It's merely just out of sight.