I have NEVER been so lonely and hopeless
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| Sat, 07-21-2007 - 9:35pm |
I am 37 years old. I married my soon to be ex when i was on the rebound from my first husband...the true love of my life. From the beginning of our marriage he began controlling me and changing my life to suit his wants and desires. My daddy died when I was 23, my mom died when i was 32. My ex-husband was brutally stabbed to death by his live-in girlfriend March 1st 2000. When I got the call, I told my ex that I had to go to the hospital. I had just put my oldest son to bed, said his prayers, knowing that he may never his real father again. After I told my husband I had to go, to at least say goodbye he screamed every curse word imaginable at me and told me if I left he and the boys would be gone. About that time I heard the helicopter air-lifting him to a trauma center. Once I got the call he had died, my husband's remarks (please excuse the language because this was his direct quote) "Well, I hope the little M.F. just busted hell wind open. The woman that killed him only served 3 yrs in prison. When my son was 11 y/o i had to tell him the real circumstances of his Daddy's death. I have never hurt or felt so helpless to watch my baby cry and not be able to do anything about it. Needless to say, this non-stop trauma has taken its toll on me. March 8, 9rs and 1 day after my husband and my anniversary I found out he had drained the checking and savings accounts & left me penniless...I literally had $5 to my name. He refused to give me any $$, there was no way I could leave that night w/both my sons w/no gas in the car, no $ to feed them...nothing!! I stayed w/my niece & nephew and the boys would spend the night. The following month I rented a house, has all utilities turned on, and began building a new home for my sons. We had our temporary hearing last Thurs and now my sons (the oldest which my husband has no biological nor legal right to) wants to live w/their dad. The trial was late in the afternoon and the judge was too tired to read all the affidavits so he has post-poned his ruling until next week. My ex has brain-washed my babies to the point that they are AFRAID OF ME. My youngest son told me doesn't want to stay w/me because he's scared I'll never let him see his Dad and my oldest has gone completely wild talking to me like a dog...just like my ex always did. For 13 yrs all I've known how to be is the best, loving, fun, mother I know how & now the 2 two men is my life I thought would never desert or hurt me are ripping my heart out. Please pray for me that my precious "sun-shines" with me returned to their mother who would honestly give my life for them and this nightmare will be over soon...if not there is no more hope and my life is over.
Thank you,
Vicki

Vicki,
Try to slow down and breathe and take things a day at a time for now, OK? Please try very hard not to imagine the worst things possible will happen. You can't know that. I know right now it's a really really hard situation, so that's why you need to only take it in little pieces at a time for now, even just a minute at a time when you need to.
Your kids are not men and they are probably very confused right now, having someone who is so selfish and controlling twisting their minds around. They cannot grasp the whole picture right now no matter what. They aren't deserting you and don't mean to hurt you, but like you said yourself, they are scared. You are their mom and they will give you every chance in the world, but it may take some time, and maybe a lot of reassurance from you as well.
If you are not already talking with a counselor, please do so as soon as possible. You are dealing with very heavy stuff. They can help you figure out the best things you need to do for now, in order to deal with the feelings you're going through, and also to figure out the best things you can do for your children.
Follow what the counselor tells you and try very hard not to panic or obsess about doing anything outside of what they tell you to. You can't control things your ex or your kids are doing right now, no matter how bad you want to.
Try to have faith that God is on your side and is working on taking care of it - but it will be in his timing. Try to take care of yourself the best you can right now, for your own sake, and for your kids' sake.
There's a lot of us out here that really care. We're here to get support and advice ourselves, but also to help others out if we can.
Take care of you,
Tgirl