i have to vent.,,,,,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
i have to vent.,,,,,
6
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 9:55am

karen, sorry about the hat. w/one hand, its hard to interchange....


my ex has not seen my kids since the beginning of january. He hasn't called them, visited them, nothing. he got fired from his job in january-so no child support for me either. he didnt send my son a bday card, or call him. there's been no contact at all from him.


I sent him an email which went unresponded (telling him i expected jan. and feb's child support out of his refund). i reforwarded it after my surgery and he replied "hey! h ow are you doing??" NOT one word about the kids and how they were. at the end, he said "Please tell the kids i miss them terribly and will see them soon". This was around 2/10. he said he has no phone or internet--then how did he reply? how does he call his father? loser


I replied "you failed your kids. send the support via mail." He responded "whatever". My ex's idiotic mind frame is "they will want to live with me in a few years...that's when it'll matter". HELLO?? My kids are now calling him a selfish jerk (their words, not mine) and I cant say i disagree with them.


friends of mine saw him, his YOUNG (25yo) girlfriend and his father at breakfast on saturday. the place they were at is 3 miles from here. he has to pass my house to get there. do you think he stopped to say hi to them?? nioooooooo. my son had a game that day-1 mile from where he was. do you think he saw him play? nooooooooooo. never has seen him play.


and here i am, scrambling because i cant drive (due to surgery), hes not working, he could be helping me get them to/from their MULTIPLE activites. instead, im calling people "can you take us here?" "can you take us there?"


jacob said to me this morning (hes 10) "mom, dad is a jerk. why doesnt he visit us?" my answer: "your father is making bad choices. i know hiow hurt you are. youve done nothing to deserve this". i just dont know what to say anymore. hes disappeared for a year before too. i gave him another chance--now he blew it.


this time i will revoke parental rights. he doesnt deserve to be called dad. he doesnt deserve to call them his sons. my kids deserve so much better.


if i were to move right now, hed never know. i wish i could do that,,,,,


thanks for letting me vent. i hope they dont find this board like they have my other...i dont even care...


deb

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:35am

I'm so with you on this one... and kids are so smart!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:20pm

Deb,

That really sucks that you're going through all that... Thinking of you and sending thoughts of peace your way...

*hugs*

Julie

P.S. I noticed your "quitmeter" at the bottom of your post--wtg on quitting smoking!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 12:01am

Therapy sucks...that's my motto lately. I'm gonna make me a t shirt that says that! It hurts...she moves it and it pulls so badly. I think i overdid it at home yesterday and it was hurting very badly. its not much easier right now. my mom is gone now and i'm not able to drive still. this is hard ith the kids activities and all.


yes, ex is an idiot. he's no longer welcomed here anymore.

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Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 5:57am

hugs debs.... I wish i had some words of advice for you!


my son's father has also abandened him. we got divorced when my ds was 3, his father had contact with him approximately till he was 5, and that was that. its difficult for ds (who is now 19), especially after my second marriage and divorce where my second husband was very abusive to him. he is 'missing' this 'element' in his life.


i did try for a while to cover up, i didn't want my son to feel bad that his father didn't want him. but i stopped doing that a long time ago - my son knows exactly what his father is - a deadbeat loser.


hugs...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:08am

Whatever you do... don't over-do it!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-24-2006 - 9:31am

Hugs to you Deb, I'm sorry things are so tough for you. I wish I lived closer, I would be happy to help run the boys around for you. It sucks for the boys that ex is behaving this way. I just keep reminding myself that one day my kids will figure it out. It looks like your kids are catching on already but they're a couple years ahead of mine (in age and with the divorce). Are you still getting ready to move? I am! The kids and I will be Texans ;).

Melanie