& I heard it all last night. Oy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
& I heard it all last night. Oy
11
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 8:46am

STBXH (our divorce has not been finalized yet) text me last week to let me know he was getting married this spring.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 10:42am

Apparently your stbxh doesn't think about his own children when he makes plans for his life--geeez!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 11:41am

Is he actually getting married during the week or is it travel time that they would have to miss school?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 1:14pm
When I said that he said I no longer was able to have a say in the decisions he made. I told him when it came to his kids I did. I'm not quite sure when our divorce will be final - just waiting on some paperwork from the courthouse. He said he didn't have a choice in the date, the venue he wants to have it at can only do it that day. It's not that I'm not allowing them not to go - if I let them out of school I will get fined & have to deal with the consequences; a fact he can't seem to comprehend.

I don't think he wanted them there in the first place so this is just a good excuse to make me look like the bad guy to them because I won't "allow" them to go. However, when I explained that it was the school/state that made the rules & the tests couldn't be changed I wasn't the bad guy as he was planning. he just makes himself look like an idiot because he won't change the date to a time they can attend, or discuss before he actually plans a date.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 1:17pm
Yes, he is getting married during the week. Not on teh weekend. Yes, he could change the date however he is choosing not to because I don't have a say in his life anymore. Younger wouldn't be upset to be going alone, but regardless of what the older one says feelings will be hurt. More along the lines of I'm not good enough for dad to change his plans to include me. So I made the decision neither of them are going. If he so chooses to change the date then I'd be more willing to let them. However, at this point neither are going.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 5:44pm

If you are not even divorced yet and your ex is treating your children like this, i fear you are going to have a very difficult and long co-parenting time with him. He should have choosen his wedding date based on his kids' schedule, first and foremost. He is putting his priorities and his new wife first, before his children. How old are your children?

I am going thru this too. I was married 20 years, had a happy divorce a wonderful relationshiip with my ex (we continued to do all holidays and other gatherings together for the kids--plus we just still were friends). When he started dating his new wife (two years ago) everything changed. He suddenly started putting her in front of the kids, for instance, she was was planning a 50th birthday party for him and told my 12 and 15 year old "Don't bother checking with your mom regarding your schedule for your dad's birthday weekend." (She had made a big plan for his 50th at a hotel about 60 miles away. Turns out, my kids had 1) their first tackle football game 2) a Cross Country meet for school 3) confirmation at church (mandatory meeting) and tickets to see a local college play football.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 5:46pm
i think neither going is the right answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 6:49pm

What a jerk he is!

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 11-08-2011 - 6:55pm

Ktom,

Hi. Hold your ground on the kids (neither) attending his nuptials. He's obviously not taking their school schedules into consideration. Their school day takes priority and that's as it should be. Too bad if his kids aren't there. If he wanted to them to participate he could pick a weekend or wait until they were able to be excused from school to go.

I hope you're keeping your attorney apprised of his "request" and start a paper trail so you have everything documented.

Good luck.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 11-09-2011 - 7:17am
Ruby,
I wonder if your EX secretly wishes he were still married to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Thu, 11-10-2011 - 4:15pm
No. We were really roommates and friends the entire 20+ marriage. Not a lot of passion or emotion there on either side.

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