I keep throwing fits!!
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I keep throwing fits!!
| Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:27am |
I keep going between the stages of acceptance and then denial and begging him to stay and saying bad things about the other woman. He is living here as we cant afford two households
The more I throw fits the more he hates me. Why am I doing this? He does not want to stop the divorce. I know he isnt good for me why cant I get over it and move on with my life?
Why do I have these fits of complete despair and tears and then fits of anger? This isnt like me at all!!
What can I say to myself to heal and stop this insanity?
any suggestions are welcome!
The more I throw fits the more he hates me. Why am I doing this? He does not want to stop the divorce. I know he isnt good for me why cant I get over it and move on with my life?
Why do I have these fits of complete despair and tears and then fits of anger? This isnt like me at all!!
What can I say to myself to heal and stop this insanity?
any suggestions are welcome!

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I am sure that its really hard to do right now, but instead of focusing on the here and now...what if you start thinking about your future. Dating maybe and how nice it will
be to feel alive and wanted again. I haven't read alot of your posts sorta new here but I think I have the general info. I'm in a very tough place right now and just lurking mostly to get the courage to leave but I feel for you and just know that you will be happier in the long run!
what you are going through is totally normal, I felt the same way. I would feel so silly after wards, I would rationalize it and then think, I am not 3, I can't throw a fit to get my way. I hated the way I felt!
The worst part is my X would just look at me with this blank stare like I was a freak and he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me...he wouldn't fight back...made me so much more irritated!
I am starting to go to a support group through divorcecare.com-it starts tomorrow, I hope I can find the tools to help me step past this since I have to learn to except it!
Cheers,
Ruthann
Hugs, Brenda
Dolly, you need to take some control. You started to when you kicked him out, but you've lost that ground by letting him come back. Why are you clinging so desperately to a man who has zero respect for you, is cheating on you, and has told you he loves someone else? You have to know there are some good things about living without him since you've divorced him two other times.
PLEASE find someone to help you. It's just my opinion, but it seems like you're trapped in a very unhealthy, dysfunctional state and have been there for so long that you don't know how to break out of it. There are so many good things out there for you if you'd just let go. There is peace, independence, and the opportunity for new relationships, but you first have to stop what you are doing now.
duh
well I know what you mean about we must look to them. all we do is push them away with our ugly scenarios. Yesterday he told me I looked like the devil himself! ouch
And I probably did ........
I realise that I am certainly not the only one going through these crazy days and putting our soul on the table for all to see.
Thanks so much!! all of you for being there!!
Dolly,
Just as when someone we loves dies, their are stages of grief in divorce. Your feelings are perfectly normal! Maybe not for you, not for the you who you were before this all started, but it is for someone going through divorce. Unfortunately, you have to feel all of this, and work through it. I know that's not easy to accept, especially when you're in the middle of it, and want it to stop. Try not to beat yourself up too badly. You're perfectly normal!!
As for your comments about the other woman, remember this . . . HE brought that situation upon you. You have every right to be angry. You are projecting your anger at him. That's where it should lie.
When my divorce first started, a good friend explained it to me like this. "This is the most h@#$acious roller coaster ride you will ever take!" She'd gone through a horrible divorce, and explained to me that the person that I was before the divorce started wasn't the person that I am going to be. She told me to work on myself, and the way that I deal with things one day, sometimes one minute at a time. She told me to give myself permission to feel, to grieve, to grow. She also told me to take care of myself physically because I would need that physical strength to get me through when my emotional stores were being depleted. Trust me, this is the best advice that I received during my divorce. I cannot thank her enough.
Take care,
Laurene
What has happened has happened. there is no turning back. I need to re design my own life
I do appreciate all of you! soooooooo very much! Thanks!
I have been trying the bite my tongue today. and yes my tongue is already a little sore. Oh I will be thinking about that instead of him and the divorce.
I wouldnt want to stop it anyway now, as what good would it do. He is still here at the house until we can afford two households. the OW lives 400 miles away and is married. but their love affair has made them act like little children. hiding the cell phone, sneaking the eamils in when I am still in bed.
I told her to stay away from my husband but she hasnt. isnt that strange lol
We didnt have the best marriage so I will get over the way I am acting. I do still hate the OW for intruding and she disgusts me cause she is married and sneaking this dirty little secret of hers away from her H.
well I too have lost weight. I have lost 20 lbs. And I bought the most beautiful black satin gown n robe and even went to Jo Anns and got more black lace and added it. Its a knockout. And I will wear it for him tonight and you know the rest. At least that gives me a little comfort knowing he is my bed not hers.
I know most say dont do that but heck we have been making love for almost 30 years and I am not ready to find another man to get into my bed LOL
contgratulations on your weight loss. WOW 77 lbs!! that is awesome! good for you!
Keep up the good work!! I hope I can do as well. Even if the divorce is best to go throug with now and Even if I dont want to find another man maybe I can at least make him think fondly of the woman he gave away. And will keep me in practice for the REAL THING!
I am a romantic at heart!
I am impressed at your weight loss and how you are handling this!! You go girl!!
These boards are my help right now. And I am "biting my tongue" today. And thinking of going on a real date with a man who respects me. I need to practice how to act LOL
But I will be ok I know. I think I am just doing the Acceptance Avoidance thing ie the "Go Away ,NO Come Here"
I will keep checking in and just listening to everyones stories makes me realise that I am not alone and that there is support out there!!
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