I know him like a book!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
I know him like a book!
2
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 4:51pm

Yep, I know him like a book... he came over for our meeting with the SWs (ended up being cancelled), and hung around while I was on the phone with the SWs. After I got off the phone, he's asking to come back. "I can make it real NICE" he says. :barf:. I said, sorry, I"m digging this single girl thing, ya know? "Well are you seeing anyone?" He asks. Nope, I say. I like not having to check in with anyone, just doing the part-time job at the ice cream stand, kicking back, watching the Red Sox, focusing on the kids. He's going on about how he does his volunteer work now, and doesn't hang out with scumbags anymore, just goes out for a salad at the bar and reads his Reader's Digest there. Huh? In a bar?? Must be one of those new hops liquid salads. LOL Plus he said he doesn't drink anymore, and that he'll do it for good this time. I said, "Great, I hope you can do it too. The kids will appreciate it also. I know it'll mean a lot to them. But that part of my life-- constantly worrying if (WHEN!) you'll start drinking again-- is over. It's ruined my health, and it would be a step back for me. Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear, but I don't see us together in the future." He seemed to take it well, but he kept saying, "We can talk about this each night". He went on about trying to work on things, but I reminded him that when I tried to get him to work on us, and I was working on us, he ridiculed me. Of course he had to counter with his usual BS: "I was ridiculed, too".

So, he couldn't even say the word DIVORCE-- he said, "That thing coming up in a few months" = the pre-trial hearing.

He couldn't say "let's reconcile"-- he said, "I can make it real NICE".

I think he's really stuck in the past, and can't admit that the marriage is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:09am

Oh, I'm sure that he's realizing his choices and what his looses are.... but I like what you said to him.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 8:54am

So yesterday, STBX calls me, and we have yet ANOTHER convo about the marriage... HIS version of it. How he wished I would have communicated with him ( LOL !!! He is the one who completely and utterly shuts down... never gave me ANY feedback whatsoever when I would try to get him to talk), how it was always on my terms and not his...

How he wished that I would have gotten a part-time job to help out, as HE was the one who did EVERYTHING.... notwithstanding that I put down the 30K downpayment on out house in 1990; worked at home in my business; worked 4 years for my aunt ever weekend in the summer; worked for my uncle, as well as STBX's idiot brother; and worked part-time at an ice cream shop... which I brought up. AND mentioned to him that I'd done a spreadsheet on what I'd paid for (by check, prolly a good deal more with cash) from my non-existent part-time jobs... $25K fom 1997 to 2005. I told him that was 25K that he didn't have to worry about let alone KNOW about... AND that I'd run myself RAGGED, and am STILL feeling the effects on my health from chasing after a kid with undiagnosed sleep apnea and ADD, plus muscle truma from an undiagnosed back fracture. I told him, "how the heck COULD I work?? I was exhausted, had health problems-- that YOU pooh-poohed, and later turned out that I was right about..." He countered with how he was there "emotionally" for the kids when I'd scream at them, and tell them to go to their father's work. WELL. I cleared that BS right up. I reminded him that during that specific time, I'd been sick with mono (documented), and that the kids would not help around the house, because they'd say, "Dad says we don't HAVE to do chores if we don't want to." And yeah, I DID yell at them for that. Again, it's ALWAYS my fault. STBX himself would tell the kids, "If you don't WANT mom to give you chores, then make yourself scarce." They took it to mean that they didn't have to do chores if they didn't want to. He's such a @#$%^&*(.

EDIT: Now that I think of it, I remember every time I went grocery shopping, I'd have to give STBX the receipts afterwards to account for every penny I spent. I recall telling him when I'd have to write a check because he didn't give me enough grocery money. The check was from my personal account, with funds from my part-time jobs and business. I'd have to write checks frequently to cover the difference... pretty much each week.




Edited 6/21/2006 9:33 am ET by susieyippin