I let him hurt me again...
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| Sun, 01-06-2008 - 3:44pm |
I can't believe I let it happen again...My husband had an affair and left me and our kids for the other woman. Our marriage was very good at first but went down hill over the years as we dealt with job changes, sick parents and then death of a parent. Even though I was very unhappy in the marriage and wanted out, the affair still devastated me. We divorced last year and I moved on with my life. The kids and I built a new home close to my family and I went back to work part-time after being a stay at home mom for 6 years. Things were going very well for me. I worked through the anger and sadness and the kids and I were doing well. Then 2 months ago he and the woman he left me for ended their relationship and she went back to her husband and kids and of course he came back to me and wanted to reconcile. At first I was totally against it. But then I thought maybe this is happening for a reason. I really wanted my family back together so I opened my heart to the idea. I was able to admit to my faults in the marriage and so did he.... so I thought maybe we really could work things out. Well I found out yesterday that THEY are going to give THEIR relationship another try!! I am so sick about it. It actually hurts worse this time than the last time he did this to me. I can't believe they both gave their families hope of being back together and crushed everyone again. (he never moved back into my home but she was back at her home with her husband and kids)
I should have listened to my gut from the start... he never really wanted our family back.
I just can't believe it.... Why did I let him do this to me?????

Love,
The toughest thing we do when we divorce is let go not just of the person who was our spouse but the relationship we HOPED to have with them.
So now you've learned a hard truth about your Ex and yourself. Don't allow there to be a 'next time' (and there will if he tried it once he'll try it again). Be strong enough to shut that door and lock it and don't open it again no matter how hard he begs or tries.
Let HIM live the consequences of the divorce, i.e. you're no longer available as a fall back guy for him when he breaks up with a girlfriend. Let HIM live with the pain of rejection and figure out what to do without keeping you on "layaway" like a garment.
It sounds like you're doing a good job of getting on with your life. With time it will get easier to see yourself as whole again and heal. Don't let him tear off the scab again.
Good luck.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Hi, well I haven't reached that part yet but I feel it coming. I just left my home w/ my children and moved back in w/ my parents. He is with his girlfriend now in my childhood home needless to say neighbors call me and tell me how her car is there in my driveway which I don't need to hear.
When the night comes the phone text comes along w/ it. You married a piece of sh** and I am going to end my life. I belong in jail, I am crazy and all
This is to all of you who have posted to the original message... I want to say thank you! My XH and i have been divorced since June 2005 and every year, around Christmastime, he comes to me either via email or in person, to tell me that he still loves me, i'm his lobster (they mate for life), and that his biggest regret is ever letting me go. Each year he tells me how he wants a second chance... this past fall seemed different and i believed him yet again (you'd think after 3 years I'd be on to him)... but i had that hope that we could try again... after all we were together for over 16 years (no kids)... however each time he just sticks it out with his girlfriend... the one he left me for, the one he bought a house with, the one that's his security blanket even though she's done some pretty sh***y things to him...the one he says that he KNOWS he doesn't have a future with... yet he stays with her because she's there, he doesn't want to hurt or leave her or her 7 year old daughter, holidays, birthdays, whatever excuses he can use - he stays with her...yet keeping me right there waiting for him... I even turned down a job in another state because he told me it was to far away from him!! See?? i am stupid for having hope all this time... it's been harder to move on because he knows just what to say to keep me right here....
Well... around Thanksgiving I saw him drive by on his way to his parents house (he lives 4 hours away but when he goes to his parents the quickest route takes him through the town we lived in for 10+ years)... well his GF was with him... after having told me many times that he would be thinking of me over the holidays.... (and that he wouldn't leave her over the holidays - more excuses)... that was the final straw for me... i sent him an email that basically told him how everything he's done to me has affected ME and that he doesn't want to hurt the GF and the kid however he doesn't seem to have a problem hurting me over and over... he responded but but i have never opened the response... his "i'm sorry" doesn't work anymore... i've cut off communication yet again... and while i know that is the best thing for me... it doesn't make it any easier... we had been talking every day on IM for months and what i miss most is talking to him about things that didn't have to do with how we felt... to talk to him like i would my best friend because that's what he was ... all the progress i felt i had made in my attempts to move forward never worked because i couldn't accept that it was truly over... now i know it is and even after all this time i need to accept it and move on... and i think that i might be ready to do that...
i guess the point of my story is that it seems that some men, while they don't want us, they certainly don't want to let us go... we all need to be strong... there's a song i listen to that is perfect... it's called "Leave the Pieces" by The Wreckers... one of the lines in there is: "you not making up your mind is killing me and wasting time. I need so much more then that." WE all deserve more then we are getting from the men we seem to still "love"... but i wonder, for myself, if it's more that his GF has the life with him I want and i think to myself... do i want him back for him or do i want him back because it's human nature to want what you can't have....
{{{hugs to you all}}} and CL Wisdom... thank you... your response to Love's post was just the words i needed to read to know that i am doing the right thing.
Ali
Thanks so much for the post.