I miss him so much
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I miss him so much
| Fri, 05-19-2006 - 11:14am |
My husband wants a divorce after alomst 5 years of marriage. It is all my fault. I admit that. Usually it's the woman who is stepped on and taken advantage of. I was the bad one in this relationship. I constantly threatened him with divorce. I left him too many times to count. I hardly ever apologized. I was terrible. We got married when I was 15 and he was 19. We have 2 children and I am pregnant with our 3rd. I am so in love with him but he doesn't believe that. He says we will never be happy together or he'll never be happy again. He has given up and no matter what I do, it'll never work if he doesn't want it to. I love him so much and I can't get rid of this pain. He works so much that he rarely sees our kids. I have them 24 hours a day, nearly 7 days a week and I have no one to give me any support or compassion. He has friends at work to talk to. He told me a woman at work offered to move in with him to help with the bills. Not one person has offered me anything at all. I moved in with my mother and all she can say is that I'll get over it. Nobody cares that I am exhausted and that I am losing my mind. I have no one and he has everything he could ask for. I am so depressed and I can't take it anymore.

satyr_frost...
Pianoguy won't rehash the information about your attitude and the fact that you "screwed up your marriage!" The fact that you both married VERY YOUNG already bears this out.
Your biggest choice now is arriving at the decision as to whether you can successfully function as "a single parent?" Or if it's necessary to enlist the help of a family member or friend in order to pull this chore together?
This is definitely an issue that you and your husband will seriously have to discuss.
Sorry...but I don't buy into your "I'M ALONE IN THE WORLD WITHOUT ANY COMPASSION OR SUPPORT FROM ANYONE" theory. Practically EVERYBODY ON THE PLANET has SOMEBODY they can turn to....assuming that they wish to ask for HELP?
What you're doing is WINING! . Isn't it a better idea to work at solving your problems INSTEAD?
Keep in mind that just because you 'screwed up'---it's doesn't mean your husband will turn around and pretend whatever you did NEVER HAPPENED? Reason being...there's always the chance that in spite of any promises you might make today...YOU'LL SCREW UP AGAIN TOMORROW?
If your husband is willing to give you 3 months before he packs his bags and files for a divorce...get yourselves into "marriage counselling"----STAT!!! Keep in mind that you BOTH have to want this? So if your husband is willing...set something up!
But for crying out loud....would you please stop "the pity party for yourself?" I'll bet this is the REAL REASON why your husband doesn't want to continue staying married to you?
Pianoguy
You sound completely burned out and exhausted. It's time for you to get some help. Have you been to a counselor yet? The initial stages of divorce are a huge shock. The pain can definitely feel unbearable at times. That's why it's important to recognize that you need help. You mentioned you moved in with your mother. That right there is a great source of support! Is she able to give you a break from the children at all?
I know that I've felt like you so I won't tell you that you're in the wrong. My advice is to deal with each day one at a time. I had a really hard time with that but it is getting easier.
The sooner you accept that your marriage is over and you do what needs to be done to end the marriage and go to the next phase of this process the better. Don't rush it though. I let denial keep a hold on me much too long! I should have been out that door the minute he told me that he thought he could "really make it work with her!" (the OW). No one should stand by and be a door mat! Even if you feel like you destroyed your marriage (I felt this way too) you need to put on foot in front of the other and make some goals and achieve them for you, for your kids!
Keep us posted on your progress. Let us know your goals for the week and stuff. I always post all kinds of stuff on here...it just helps me to get through all this drama.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
mebrenda...
From one 'musical note' to another, Pianoguy would like to comment on your post.
This isn't an issue of compassion. The woman has rejected any possibility of obtaining help or support from anybody. Sorry if I sound cold to you, but I don't buy into her theory that SHE'S TOTALLY ALONE & HAS TO COMPLETELY BEAR ALL THE PROBLEMS SHE HAS DESCRIBED COMPLETELY BY HERSELF!
I'm not dismissing her current unhappy situation, but...I got the impression that she didn't want to make much of an effort to solve one or two of the issues connected with it?
Grieving is good.....ALL OF US do that! But the grieving CAN'T go on INDEFINITELY!
Unless she makes an honest attempt to solve her problem, her misery will accelerate! There's help out there...if she chooses to accept it!
Pianoguy
Hugs, Brenda