I need custody advice
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| Tue, 05-24-2005 - 7:07pm |
My Ex-Husband wants to keep me from making an in-state move (Just over 100 miles). When we were divorced it was stated in the decree that it was anticipated I would move when I finished school. I just notified him of my intentions to move and now he is saying that I am unfit and he wants full custody of the kids. Two things...first I am not unfit to raise my children in any manner, I have always been the one that they live with - and if I am unfit then whey is he waiting until now instead of doing something about it before now. Second, I don't have a lot of money to pay for an attorney. I am at the end of my school carrer and financial aid and child support are all I have as income. Can I ask - since this is obviously out of retaliation because I am moving and that since he has known for several years that I would eventually move - for him to pay for my attorney fees? What are the chances in Oklahoma, or any state for that matter, that a judge would award a father custody when the mother, who has always had the kids, has no marks against her? His hopes on getting custody are based on the past few months that he has actually attempted to take an interest in the kids lives and also based on lies (Lies like he has had the kids at least two nights a week for the past three years. NOT TRUE. He has kept the kids one night a week only for the last semester when I was doing clinicals late, to top off that I cannot even begin to add up all the weekends that he was supposed to have the kids that he didn't take them because he had tickets to a concert, or he was taking his girlfriend on vacation, etc.) ...can a few months of interest make up for several years of nothing? He has always paid the child support that he is ordered to pay, but earlier this year he stopped paying the alimony that he is still supposed to be paying. Please help. When I sit down and think about it all rationally I know that I should have nothing to worry about. But, when it comes to matters like this what else can you do except worry until it is over and you have your babies with you where they belong?

The first thing you should do is find an attorney that will give you a free consultation. Bring your agreement with you and find out what it would cost and what your legal rights are. It is possible the agreement says you have to notify him so that he has an opportunity to contest it, it is also possible the agreement says you've both already agreed to the move. You need a legal opinion on this.
Secondly, him contesting your move and him seeking full custody are two completely different things. To keep you from moving, he has to show he's an important part of the children's lives and that the relationship would be damaged by him moving. You will need to show it is in the children's best interests to move. It can go either way. Cases like this are not predictable. Sometimes CP's with tons of good reasons to move are denied, sometimes the most involved, loving NCP has to face his child moving far away. It's all up to the judge and his/her gut feeling after all the evidence is presented. An attorney could give you a sense how judges in your area tend to rule or if there are any recent cases that could give you an idea of what to expect.
To get full custody he will need lots of evidence. What you have to do right now is start protecting yourself. You need to document everything. How often he takes the children, and what happens when they are in your care. If they have a good day, note it. If he misses a visit, note it, and note the reason he gives. Dates, times and facts, no emotions or opinions. Note when the children have a bath. Note when they learn something new. Note when they go to the doctor and what the doctor said, and keep a copy of the health record to show they are in good health. Start compiling as much evidence as you can that while in your care, the children are happy, healthy and well cared for. If he says you don't keep the children clean, you pull out your records showing dates and times of baths. If he says they aren't well fed, pull out copies of doctors records. Have enough evidence that you can counter any false claim he could make. If this ends up in court, you should ask for a guardian ad litem (GAL) which is an attorney for the children. The GAL will scrutinize both of you, but usually can see who is telling a tale and who is really caring for the children.
She said the only time she has ever even heard of a judge giving custody to the non-custodial parent is when it was blatantly obvious that the move was only an attempt by the custodial parent to sever the relationship between the kids and the non-custodial parent. And even then she said that other factors are usually present as well which have led the judge to change custody - ex. custodial parent not allowing the non-custodial parent to have visitation, a history of bashing of the other parent to the kids, etc.