I need friendly advice please
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| Thu, 06-14-2007 - 8:06pm |
Let me just start by saying I was basically married...
I was with the X for 6 years and we share 2 kids together.
He left me this past october and since then, we have had a strange relationship. We have been having sex all along...until about 3 weeks ago....I am now done. He has had several girlfriends and I know he has had several sex partners. I know I was stupid for still sleeping with him.
My problem is lately he is giving me all these excuses as why he can't get the kids. When in reality he just wants his new girlfriend all to himself. Not to mention she is 18 or 19 and he is 25. Why does a 19 yr old want to date a man with 2 kids?????
So he was my best friend and or course my lover. We had our issues as any couple does. There has been times he has told me that he misses me and wants to work on it, but nothing happens from there. Once he gets sick of his new girlfriend he will be back talkin to me again...or at least I think he will be.
I am furious he lies to me and treats me like crap anymore, but I still miss him. I don't know if it is because I miss what we had and I am so lonely. I literally have no friends and stay at home with my kids 24/7. I have talked to a few guys since the breakup but am never interested. I wish he would just want me and these kids and for us to try again and have a family.
He is bi polar and I know he has a lot of issues with that. Not being on medication and stuff like that. He has an addiction to porn and has since I met him. His sleeping around now just really bothers me yet he will deny it to me if I ask.
I really just need some friendly advice as to what to do from here. I am so lonely and depressed.
Thank you.

Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this. You deserve better than someone who doesn't appreciate you and your children. It is totally understandable that you miss him but that is not a reason to allow him to treat you badly.
My suggestion would be to fine a professional with whom you can talk this through. Figure out what you want. If you truly want to work this out with him and he does as well, get some counselling together.
Most of all protect yourself for your children.
My thoughts are with you.
Can you look into going to school? Or look into a part-time job? You need something to get your mind off of your problems. Your man is not the only one who is in denile. You need to think about what is best for you and your children. Can you look into counseling for you and your kids? Once you put your foot down, you will feel impowered.
hi and hugs - sorry for everything you are going thru.
I am going to be a little blunt, hope that's ok - just that sometimes it helps (I'm not going to be mean, don't worry!)
first of all ---- let's start by focusing on you and not on your ex. ok? he is bad news, by the sound of it. maybe you still love him; maybe you think you still have a chance to make this 'marriage' work. but for now - let's be real. you have two little kids, so you need to focus on making the best and most stable life for them. this is not going to be acheived by sleeping with your ex who is sleeping with other people. so just stop that (ok, i know that you know that). focus on your family. and while you're at it - please get yourself tested for STDs. and pay attention - some tests need to be repeated in a few weeks or months. the last theing you need right now is some std.
next - your ex has addiction issues, he lies, he is bi polar but won't take his meds. that's all about him. and what about you? you've been living with him, having kids with him and enabling him. i know - i've been in your shoes. and i know how hard it is to admit that - but you need to - because that's the only way that you will be able to heal and move on. you need to take care of YOU, not worry about his issues.
and thirdly - what do you mean <<>>. they're HIS kids, and he HAS to take responsibility. so be firm (and that's why I said that you need to get some help for yourself) and get some legal advice and make sure everything is court sanctioned. you have kids together - you are going to be parents for the rest of your lives, but at the very least he has to be an involved parent for the next 18 years.
hang in there. being a single parent isn't easy, but you will do it. just make sure you take care of yourself, focus on your children, and look for ways to get ahead, build a career, make some new friends. My DS jsut turned 21, i can't believe it myself, and trust me we have been to H*LL and back, but thankfully he is doing ok now.