I need a pep-talk!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
I need a pep-talk!!!!!!!!!!!
8
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 9:54pm
OK. The divorce papers have been filed with the court and now all I have to do is sign them. Any advice on how to get up the guts to actually walk into the attorneys office and do it? I still love him, but he left 11 months ago and keeps telling me he still needs "time" to sort things out before he can put any effort into reconciling. I just don't think I can wait anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:15pm

Is there a friend who can come with you? Taking someone with you might give you the courage and support you need.

I'm also a big list maker. When I forget why this is the right thing - even though I wasn't the one who initiated it - I make a list of all the reasons it is the right thing and all the good things I deserve (and the kids deserve) that he is unable/unwilling to give. Then I make a list of why my life (and the kids lives) are better or getting better.

You can do this. I wish I could be there with you to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 10:17pm

One more thought - try to break it down into smaller steps if you can. Don't think about the whole thing.

First think - all I have to do is drive over there. Once you've done that focus on - all I have to do is walk in the door. And keep going until the whole thing is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:55am
I remember you from a previous post. Were you the one who just purchased your own house a few months back and remodeled it to your content? That alone takes more guts than walking into the attorney's office to sign for divorce. Your married to your house for 30 years. It's a huge investment. Filling out the paperwork at your attorney's office is a simple step compared to the house. If STBX can't sort things out after 11 months, he's going to take even longer. BTDT - the day of the divorce was the easy part. It's the bs that happens afterward because of the kids. GOOD LUCK!!!
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 2:15pm
You can do this! By now you've learned that marriage isn't a final thing...well neither is divorce. Nothing is. I see it just as another step moving foward in my life. If in a year or two we happen to reconcile, fine, but I want to start over from the begining, whomever it's with. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 9:29pm

It's funny you wrote that about marriage and divorce not being permanent things- not 5 minutes ago I told my STBX (who is feaking out that I am signing) that if we are going to make it work it will have to be a whole new start. These guys just htink that you are neve going to have enough of all the crap and walk away.

It is very cheesy to say, but the best adviceI have gotten is kind fof an analogy. My frined told Me, "Relationships are like sitting at the dinner table; when you have had enough, you get up and walk away." Kind of makes sense, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 9:33pm
Hi. Thanks for responding, but I think you have me mixed up with another person who posts. I kept "our" house and have been doing all the repairs I can by myself. I have full custody of our 3 kids, and am going back to work full-time. I get tired thinking about it sometimes! At the end of the day, signing isn't the worst thing I could be doing. I guess I feel guilty for the kids sake, even though my STBX did just about eveything to get us here..............
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:09pm
HEy girl let me tell you something...my husband told me he needed time to "sort things out" also. I gave him two weeks and told him that if he doesn't know what he wants by now that should tell him something....yeah come to find out he has a girlfriend, which I found out about shortly after he said he wanted a divorce. If it takes him that long...you obivously are NOT a prioroty to him!!!!!!! It's time to sign those papers to find a man that won't make you cry, cause one that is worth it wouldn't do that to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 11:18pm

I am starting to think these guys are all nuts----then again maybe it is me for picking so many loser sin my life! Thanks for your advice--I often wonder if there is someone else. Well, I guess she can have him! I signed today and I couldn't believe I wa ok. I might wake up not feeling so great tomrrow, but for right now I am ok and that is all that matters- right?

You sound like you have a lot of confidence. I think that's great! At least I know it gets better. Keep it up!