I need some advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
I need some advice!
1
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 8:51pm
Hey everyone! im not married or getting a divorce but my mom is thinking about it, like really really considering it. im 20 years old and a college student, i also work two jobs so i stay pretty busy. i had recently been noticeing her sleeping on the couch and not wearing her wedding ring but nothing really out of the ordinary. my mom usually keeps to herself and im not really home all that much because of school and work but i have other reasons why i dont want to be home. my step dad's name is david my mom and him have been together for about ten years or so. he was a really awesome guy at first he even became like my best friend. i would talk to him about things that i couldnt even tell my mom. we ended up building a new house together getting two new dogs and everything seemed great. when i was in my junior year of highschool he tried to rape me. he didnt go through with it he ended up locking me in a room taking all the phones and keys to the cars so i couldnt leave. he took his shotgun and a bottle of jack with him in his truck. but to make a long story short he didnt kill himself and him and my mother after the whole court case thing got back together because he had "changed". he moved back into our new house and i agreed to all of this because i thought it would make my mom happy again because she seemed so depressed without him. then the cycles of abuse started. him and i would get in an arguement not talk for months and then he would come and apologize and cry to me about how sorry he was. he does this with my mother too. this cycle never stops in fact he just apologized to me for an arguement we got in five months ago, i still havent talked to him. she called me a week ago to tell me that she was wanting a divorce, i told her how happy i would be if that happend but we didnt really talk all that much about it. now when i see her and hes not arround she doesnt even mention it. im afraid to ask about it because she says she is still not sure if she wants to get a divorce or not and im afraid my asking will affect her decision and make her choose him instead. how do i tell her how i truely feel without pissing her off or upsetting her. i want her to know that this divorce would be the best thing that ever happend because it would be back to the way things were before him, when her and i were best friends. the only reason i cant spend time with her now is becasue hes always there. he has pretty much alienated her from her whole family becasue no one wants to be around him. how do i get through to her to tell her how i feel and convince her this is what she needs to do without upsetting her?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:35am

natratalie...

Pianoguy read your post. Here's the only question he could think of:

"Aside from YOU...does your Mom "bond" with anybody else? And if so...would this person be willing to intercede on her behalf?"

The problem right now is that the 2 of you are too close! This is because that even though you're her daughter...you're attempting to "act like her parent!" !

There's also probably a little 'inner jealousy' on your Mom's part too? Most likely due to the I WAS ALMOST RAPED BY YOUR HUSBAND incident? So it's entirely possible your Mom might feel that you want her marriage to end...in order to provide a clear path for you to "instigate stuff" with your StepDad?

This is the reason a trusted friend or 3rd party should get in touch with your mom, her feelings, and hopefully---come up with a logical step-by-step plan in order to obtain a divorce?

Pianoguy