I Need Some Options

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2006
I Need Some Options
2
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:58pm


I just found this place today. I am not very techno/internet savy, but I'm getting desperate.

don't know where to start and it's hard to type (I have arthritis and fibromyalgia).

Which leads to my biggest problem... I get $600 an month disability. I will never get more than the cost of living increase, and baring a miracle cure, I cannot work even an easy going part time job (I tried the best case senerio part-time job as recently as a year ago and couldn't manage). And even work from home jobs have deadlines/quotas, etc. that I couldn't meet.

I really think things with my husband are beyond (and always were, looking back) repair. He hid things well and I didn't press when I should have. He has an addiction problem and cheated on me once that I know of. I've tried to get him to support groups (he says they'er dumb -only went 3 times last Aug/Sept.) A big part of this leads him to financial ir-responsibility. We are always just scraping by and both drive 10 year old cars with minimal insurance. Get past due notices and fees.

I have been wanting him to leave or to leave myself for about a year- really longer but that is when I realised how hopeless it was.

I can't figure out how/where I can live for $600 a month. I know in theory he will be supposed to pay me alamony BUT I also know him well enough to know he will never have enough to give me what he should. (I don't know how long it would take to get garneshed wages or what it is called -direct from his pay). I need to figure my options but I'm at a loss.

To save typing I have cut and paste this from something I sent a friend, I tried to edit a bit so hope it makes sence...

I have combed the phone books for places that might help me...but..
A big issue has been 99% of the times I try to call any agency/organazation I think even MIGHT beable to help me I get a voice mail. I made another frustrating round of these calls today(and 2 of the goverment agencies just rang and rang). I have been afraid to leave messages. I seems too complicated to explain about only calling between 9:oo and 5:oo and NOT leaving a message if I don't answer. I am so afraid to start getting a spate of unexplained calls and if they call when he's here I won't beable to talk anyway. I haven't tried this for a couple months (but have on and off over the last 10 months). I'm pretty sure many of these places ONLY work by call backs from messages and never answer the calls directly.

I went to a women's center a few months ago to talk to someone... I called the women's center again today even thought they didn't seem to have answers for me before. She said she would look for some info and I would call back tomorow. The time I went in they only gave me info on 2 house share agencies where you had to leave messages (and I won't go into the reasons I'm hesataint about a house share with people I don't know) but I'm willing to ask about it. I was still told by the receptionist at one they pay at least $400 a month and you have to leave a message and the lady will call you back the one afternoon she is there.

What I'd really like is to stay where I am and have him leave- I like it here. But that leaves me with comming up with a rough guess of an additional $700 to $800, to cover utilities, doctors/meds, insurance, food, gas etc. Even if I went to the cheepest place I know (which is bad or a room in a persons house) that only takes off maybe $200- $300. I also know I would have to pay movers (at least $1,000)

I know I can put on an additional lock (that he would have no key for- and tell the management I no longer wanted him here).

I'm frustrated I don't know where to ask for help. Especally if I want him out in the next couple months since the lease isn't up till next May- my name only is on it- (cost to break lease, current months rent and they keep security ,and get an additional months rent.)This is one of those hopeless circles. I'd owe at least $840 to break the lease, $1000 to move-no friends can help with more than a single car load(long story)-, likely close to $1,500 - $2,000- up front money for new smaller place. I don't have and never could save or even borrow that kind of money.

So as you can see I have been looking into this for a while. He has not gotten physically violent but I do have a fear he might. He is also very manipulative and passive/agressive.

I know that is a lot (and only the tip of the iceburg) but hope someone here may have some ideas I have not thought of. I may not get to look at this again untill tomorow as he'll be home soon.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 12:21am

Can you leave a friend's phone number at the places that you're trying to call and you need to leave your number?????... and have a friend help sift the calls out and give/receive info.?..... or is there a family member somewhere that you could stay with (help out some around their house, pay some rent, but still have enough of your check left over to cover your expenses?)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 2:28am

Are you on social security disability? If you are, they have agencies that can assist you in obtaining this information. They can also find someone to help you do things like fill out paperwork and what-not, too. I would suggest calling SSA.

May I ask why you can't let your dh know that you are seeking this information? Is it because you fear him? Fear him leaving you in the lurch? If you are afraid of him, call your local women's shelter for assistance.

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