I need support

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
I need support
5
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:38am

I had my abusive husband served with divorce papers after nine long years of seperation. I endured verbally, emotionally, physically, sexual abuse for 12 years. Please any input would be appreciated, this is giving me anxiety! His response by email:

>>Thank you for the early birthday gift.

Why are you doing this?

I never wanted anything more than a loving wife, a happy family, a nice place to live, and happiness. I thought that we were perfect for each other. We had so much in common. Down to even our birth dates, mine being 5/4 and yours 10/8, exactly double mine. We both even came from dysfunctional families. Me, from a family with a controlling mother, and you, from a family with a father that had other problems, both of which caused serious submissive problems in both of us. What a perfect coincidence.

I NEVER wanted you to be unhappy, and i thought that i could help get you through what you had endured for so long. I never knew that my mothers influence on me, would effect the way that i treated you. I am sooo sorry that you felt the way that you did. I am sorry that I passed my mothers influence on to you. AND most of all, I am sorry that I wasn't smart enough to realize that what i was doing was wrong, and effected you the way that it did.

I wish that you had put your foot down, and didn't let me get away with it. I wish that you had talked to me, and told me that you were feeling these things. I wish that we had made an attempt to change and correct our issues. I would have done anything to make things right. I loved you, and still do. I am so remorseful about the things that took place, i cant even describe it to you.

I can not make excuses for what took place, they were wrong, but i do have explanations for most of it. Not that these explanations would make it right, or any better.

I am soo ashamed about my actions, and what took place. It hurts me so deep when i realize that you were unhappy. PLEASE talk to me !!

I don't deserve this. I am sooo sorry it hurts. Please, lets talk about this. Give me a chance to prove to you that i have learned from my mistakes, I am begging you. Please!<<

Should I answer it, ignore it or go back into therapy? I've already told him I don't love him anymore, and he knows I have a live-in boyfriend that I love very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: nania2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 11:37am

Hi Nania,

Ignore it. It's his way of trying to control you. He's like my ex, trying to play the manipulation game. He's knows how to pull those strings and get you going. You have a fulfilled life now, he needs to get on with his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
In reply to: nania2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:49pm

Hi Nania,


Don't respond to the email. He's had 9 years to say those things to you and he didn't until you took the final step of filing for divorce. It's time for you to move on with your life and really be able to make decisions for yourself.


Don't hesitate to call the police if you feel the least bit threatened by him now that he's been given legal notice of the divorce.


Good luck and best wishes for your future.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
In reply to: nania2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 12:55pm
Actually he's been emailing me like this the whole nine years. He won't let me go, he is crazy! I feel like I'm being stalked through email!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
In reply to: nania2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:14pm

The only think you should do is make sure you have a fully charged cell phone that can dial 911 at a moment's notice.

Abusive (especially) men facing a crisis can react unpredictably despite their outward appearance.

If you give this idiot even an inkling of a opportunity, he may just beat you within an inch of your life or to death.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
In reply to: nania2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 5:37am
Thanks guys, I won't email him back.