I really do not get it..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
I really do not get it..........
14
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 12:53pm
H finally got all of his clothes moved out of the house, which is great....I feel a lot less in limbo.....For the last three days, I have let him come see the kids since he is still trying to get his apt moved into completely.....I have tried to stay out of the way and let him have time to hang with the kids when he comes and he gets mad.....I feel like he just wants me to sit down and be his friend....I do not feel we should ever be friends, I will be friendly in front of my kids, but I do not want to be friends with some one who just up and decided they do not want to be married....He also asks for a hug each time he leaves, I just think this is another part of his guilt stage...He already dates .....I want to move on with my life, and it seems like to me part of him does not want me to.....he says he loves me but he is just not in love with me.......and he does not care what I do or who I do it with.......then why on earth would he want to come over and hang out with me........He is supposed to take the boys next tues and wednesday night ,so I am hoping this will stop and we can just do the drop off thing.....I hope I am not sounding hateful.....I just do not feel like it is healthy for me, at this point to talk to him...The fact is that he had a girlfriend picked out and then conveniently wanted out of our marriage....This has left me with a lot to deal with emotionally. I have not had to worry about finances much since he has left, he has made sure that we have money....He has griped alot in the last month about having to give it to me, but has since stopped om the past week and said he will just give me whatever I want........But only after I pulled out all of his girlfriend weekend trip receipts that were at his business and showed him that he had spent over $2000 in a month, and told him that it was ridiculous for him to live like that and then gripe for giving me $150 a week........sorry just needed to vent.....he is just not the person I thought he was....it is so depressing

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:19pm
Welcome to the club... none of us ended up with the person we thought we married. You are doing a good job. You are absolutely right about the guilt on his part, and I think it is wonderful that you see him for what he is. Do not be his friend. Don't sit with him. DO NOT HUG HIM GOODBYE. Save your hugs for someone who deserves them...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:39pm
Hey Sang,
Once again, are you sure your ex and mine aren't the same person? Mine had the OW, wanted the divorce, moved out while I was out, dated like crazy, but when it came to actually FILING the papers... well, I could have waited years. I felt so much better when I came to the realization that I had to do it, and when I did, I felt like a million bucks. Now if only it would hurry up and finalize! LOL! The separation period was the worst, the limbo, nothing defined. And he would call, and call, and call. It drove me nuts, because I had never had that much contact with him before! I finally realized it was guilt and CONTROL that had him doing it, so I told him "NO CONTACT". When he didn't listen, I got call display and stopped answering his calls.
The difference for me is that I don't have kids. Thank goodness. I can just imagine how disfunctional they would be if he had any influence on them. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 2:41pm
What does KWIM mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 4:25pm

Know what I mean....


See our list of acronyms on the board website


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

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