I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!
12
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:22pm

I was served yesterday at work with divorce papers and temporary orders. My husband is looking for primary physical custody of our 2 kids and joint legal custody in the tep. orders. Right now we split them 50/50 and have been since I moved out of the house on June 1st. I moved because I couldnt afford to live there. He cited in the divorce decree irritrievable breakdown.

I am so nervous that he is going to get custody of my kids and only give me visitation rights!

Also, I started seeing someone when we separated and he doesn't like this man....he thinks he's an alcoholic, which he is not. I WOULD NOT put myself or my kids through that. Can he put some sort of stipulation in the divorce that my kids cannot be around him?

Does anyone know anything about this??? I am meeting with my lawyer tomorrow morning.




Edited 8/30/2006 12:29 pm ET by irishkate7

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 12:37pm
I am not a lawyer, but you did yourself a disservice by moving out of the marital home. I am confused as to how you could not afford to live in the marital home. I would also discontinue seeing your "friend" until after the divorce is final. Sounds like your STBX is playing for keeps and you better get yourself a good lawyer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 5:19pm

He's asking for "joint legal custody"


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:05pm
First off, you need to know your laws of state. I live in SC and am getting divorced. If I knew before what I knew now, I would've filed in NY where I got married. In SC, you cannot get a divorce granted for 1 year!!! that's right - a whole year! Which means, no "technical" significant other or your spouse can sue for adultery. Obviously you keep things as quiet as can be. Also in SC, the SO cannot on any terms be in front of the children for a year as well. So, now you can understand why I'm stunned you are open about your situation. Also, I agree with first posting - you shouldn't have left, easy for me to say since I don't know your situation. In mine, we pay house 50/50. I stayed, he left. I would never leave! He is responsible for everything as is until he signs the papers. BY LAW, I can sue him if he doesn't pay up. Please think of the kids first and foremost...good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:12pm

The new guy has never been around my kids...my children do not know anything about him.

I left the house because my husband would not and things were really getting bad and I didn't want my kids to see or hear anything that would hurt them now and in the long run. That's why I left.

I went to my lawyer last night and he also saw in the bunch of papers that were served to me at Guardian ad lietem was also served. My lawyer is telling me that my husband and his lawyer are going to try to make me as a neglegant mother. He said that would never stand up in court because I have been their "primary" caregiver for their lives. I quit work to bring them up, brought them to all their doctors, dentists, soccer, karate, etc. I am a great mother and love my children more than anything and I cant belive he is going to do this to them just because he hates me.

Can anyone tell me their experiences/knowledge about this Guardian ad lietem.

Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:08pm
Do you think that if both parties agreed that the kids would never be exposed to sleepover guests that the judge would put that in the agreement? Or is that just a given that overnight friends are so innocuous that they wouldn't even put it in the agreement? Any input?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 7:28pm

It amazes me that he can be so selfish - its about the kids at this point not the two of you. I almost got into a family court situation and my lawyer said that since I've been the primary caregiver and work a full time job to support, that all I would need are affidavits stating it. Everyone including he, knows the truth.

The same sounds in your case. His lawyer will just spin the you leaving the house thing to the hills - in NY they call it abandonment - children or not. I'm sure your prepared. Your children are lucky to have a mom who's given up everything to raise them - now its a matter of the courts to see the same. He needs to drop the insanity so your kids will be healthy like mine are with the situation.

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 7:50pm
There's a No Overnights clause in my agreement! It applies to DATE overnight friends, which is much different than if my best friend from elementary school comes. XH thought that I'd have a revolving door on the bedroom with a line of men out the door. As if!

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2006
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 9:59pm
Thanks for the info. My obnoxious stbx has moved to Florida to be with the OW. (His children are in California.) I'm hoping to get the "no overnights" into the agreement so that I don't have to send them to Florida if he insists on having them stay with them in their love nest. He's such a weenie that I may get him to agree with it just due to the family pressure. Thanks for the info.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 1:04am
My attorney said that you can put that in your agreement "no cohabitation or overnights with unmarried... blah, blah, blah..."

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 10:10am

First, don't panic. I used to drive myself crazy with hundreds of, "what if?????" questions. Most of the worst-case scenarios didn't end up happening. My situation was very similar to yours. I had to leave the marital home because I couldn't afford to pay the mortgage on my own. I couldn't even stay there one extra month waiting for temporary orders served on my ex to help pay....I would have fallen behind on the mortgage and bills. I moved into an apartment, and we started a 50/50 custody arrangement. It wasn't what I wanted, but my ex wanted it and convinced DS it would be best. I then started seeing someone shortly after the separation. Believe me,

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