I really screwed up my life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I really screwed up my life
5
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:10pm
delete


Edited 8/16/2007 12:35 pm ET by strssmnky
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 2:01pm

I am sorry. I totally don't know your situation, but something doesn't ring right here -- "it is time for *you* to go?" Hunh? After 18 years? And after 18 years that other girl was his true love you kept him from??!! No way!!! No, honey, this just doesn't compute. I don't think whatever is going on is "your fault."

It takes two to make a marriage work. You both have responsibility for its success or failure.

Have you been to counseling together? Or on your own?

There is NO WAY you should move out of the marital home. After 18 years it is as much your home as his. He is gonna owe you spousal and child support, NOT the other way around. Slow down, find a lawyer and stop apologizing.

You didn't destroy his life and you raised two good young men ... take stock and take care and make sure you have the legal and emotional support you need.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:11pm

Oh my goodness..... Honey, YOU have not done anything to him!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 4:32pm
Stop, please! You didn't hold a gun to his head for 18 years, or lock him in the basement did you? He has a mind of his own, he made his own decisions, and his choices ARE NOT YOUR FAULT. Choices you made TOGETHER are not your fault! You alone cannot carry the burden of guilt like this, I'm sorry if your marriage is not working out after all this time, but he stayed with you for 18 years! Honestly I would be PISSED if he told me after 18 years of marriage that he always loved that other woman and always wanted to be with her or anything along those lines. THAT IS HIS PROBLEM that HE brought down upon your family, you didn't know any better, he stayed with you and you thought he loved you! Am I wrong??
So Stop right here! Regardless of what happened in the past you have a great future ahead of you. You have two teenagers to worry about, don't jump in to giving this man everything, you owe him nothing. Do the kids know what's going on? Ask them what they would like to see happen....BESIDES mom and dad staying together. Maybe you two could rent out an apartment and take turns living in the house/apartment?
((big hugs)) It doesn't seem like it yet, but this CAN work!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 8:57am
deleted


Edited 8/16/2007 12:34 pm ET by strssmnky
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 9:13pm

SLOW DOWN!! You are negotiating your future here. Half of that house is yours! Do not give up what you need! If he is staying there with your children, he has to pay you your share. Obviously, together you have this money if you were shoppping for a rental property. Think again about living in the same town as your future ex's mother and sister. You must make smart decisions.

(1) Get a good lawyer. Do not throw your future away in the midst of crisis!

(2) Get some counselling. Everyone going through a divorce should go for at least a few sessions.

Good luck.