I ruined my marriage!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
I ruined my marriage!!
6
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 3:10pm

Hello, this is my 1st post here. Although I have posted in EAS in the past.


I just turned 30 & have been with my husband since I was 19. We have been seperated for almost 4 months & he decided last week that he wants a divorce. Things are turning very ugly very fast! I dont know if I will ever forgive myself for the things I have done that ripped us apart. I have so much guilt!!


We had intimacy problems for years. I can remember being in my early 20's & crying because my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 6:02pm

Yes, I do as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 10:16am

Thanks for the reply


I also have a problem & at times I feel bitterness toward him that he wouldn't or couldn't stand by me through "sickness & in health". But in reality he did for 11 years. I know that

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 10:28am

Hey there,


Stop feeling guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 10:06pm
...this is a very interesting post for me because I know for a fact that I contributed to the infidelity in my first marriage...I was a superb at keeping the house clean, the baby sparkling and happy...I always looked good...there was always a good meal ready...his BDUs were starched...he knew that I had his back...but, when it came to being my man's woman...I lacked considerably...even though I knew intellectually that men "tend" to crave sex more often that women when both are in their 20s...I controlled the when and if we had it...when we did have sex, I acted as though I were "taking one for the team"...when it came to his needs, I mandated that my need to be "tired, overwhelmed, sick, cramping, head achy, sore, interested in a television show" was stronger than any need that he might have...he cheated...he's dead now, but the "what ifs" remain...what if I had thrown myself into our sexual relationship twice a week?...what if I had stretched myself into being more creative instead of just "doing it"...so, long story short...I found your post interesting because I too feel that I contributed to the beginning of the end...













iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 11:24am

It is very rarely 100% one person's fault when a marriage ends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 11:25am

I feel like it's all my fault too. I suffer from depression and anxiety and my husband has tried very hard to be supportive. What has gone wrong for me is that we bought some land out in the country to build a house on. I really hate living in the country. We rented an apartment after we sold our house and lived there for a year. I loved the apartment - I liked it better than the house. I loved living in the city and having restaurants, movie theaters etc. a stones throw away. I feel so isolated out there, I look forward to going to work just so I can leave the house. I feel guilty because I know he's made a lot of effort for me, and he's not one of these guys who don't complete a project, and yet I just don't like the house. I feel like I'm ungrateful and I know I've hurt him. However, I also feel that he is asking too much of me to live in a house that is still under construction. We have a muddy mess, you can't even drive into the garage, it rains constantly here so nobody can get in to lay cement. We have had mice in our basement - thankfully the traps have been empty for some time now. It is too much for me to cope with. I also hate the commute. So now I am looking for full time work and apartments because I just can't do this anymore. I hope nobody thinks I'm a quitter, but I am so miserable, every time I tough it out something else goes wrong. I really just want to be happy. I still love my husband, he's never been unfaithful, he's hard working and a good man, but I am so not happy with our life together.