I saw the attorney today! 1st time.
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| Mon, 05-22-2006 - 6:02pm |
I had a great experience and I wish I would have gone to an attorney a lot sooner! She says that I can ask for so much more. She did say that it will cost $1000 to draft a seperation agreement and $5000 to go to court! That is insane! I think I better get a couple full time jobs.
I am hopefull that my ex will be smart enough to settle out of court...but if he won't I have found an amazing attorney that is willing to fight for what my daughter and I are entitled to.
If anyone is looking for an attorney in NC I would recommend looking in to Lana S. Warlick. She admits she expensive but she is worth the peace of mind. She is in the top 50 attorney's for NC and has an amazing reputation.
She was able to answer all my questions and give me the facts. It's so good to know the truth.

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Hi,
Since I am a new "poster" here, I have had to go back and read several posts by an individual to get a feel for their particular situation before I jump in. In reading your posts, I see that you are female and you apparently have a daughter, that you left your home, I don't know where that was and are apparently in the NC area?
Since I have worked for an attorney as a paralegal, I have a question about your meeting today. I am leary of some attorneys especially those who charge enormous amounts of money, because they can tell you anything you want to hear to make you feel better, then when you get to court, things don't go your way and they blame the judge or say "I don't know what that judge is thinking." Just be CAREFUL about dropping 5K on a court hearing, that sounds like an awfully large retainer, and if it drags out, does it cost more?
The attorney I worked for charged a flat retainer to get to the first hearing, then $350 per hour after that for any other hearings, etc. Make sure you read the fine print of the contract.
Second, did the lawyer explain to you the requirments of residency? Most states have a statute that regulates when and how a divorce can proceed. Usually, you have to have lived in a state and established residency there for at least 6 months before you can file.
That does not mean that you can't have the paperwork done, but just that you cannot file them until the residency has been established.
It seems to me based on my experience that you are basically in limbo land right now, because you are no longer a resident of your previous state, (I think you mentioned you moved out of state, if not, this doesn't apply to you.) and you are not yet a resident of the current state you live in.
Remember, lawyers can spot a sucker a mile away and they take more advantage of women with children than they do men. They know we are desperate for child support because we need the income. Just be very, very cautious.
Also, you can look at divorce laws for particular states and what is called a "child support calculator" and what rules govern spousal support or alimony on line. There is a world of information out there on the web! So if it is info you desire, you can find it quickly online.
Lawyers also have a way of making things "look better" at the onset, and sometimes it happens that they are giving you good information based solely on what information you have provided them with....then comes along the attorney for the other side and sheds some light on it with the STBX point of view and "whala" suddenly things change.
Been there and done that...just be careful.
I'm glad that you were able to get some questions answered.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Wow, there is only ONE attorney in my area that charges that much as a retainer and none I know that charge that much just to draft a separation agreement (does her charge include negotiations and re-drafting for any changes??).
Yeah... I'm so happy for you! See... knowledge is power and once you realize that stbx cannot call all the shots and make it however they want, well... it is a whole new future...
I'm glad that this first meeting went well... Keep us posted!
*hugs*
Julie
Thanks for the words of wisdom. We have a perfectly good seperation agreement that has been drafted that my ex doesn't feel he should sign...we could both save ourselves A LOT of money if he would just sign it but I doubt he will and that's why I've had to take an alternate route in this mess. I don't want to spend all that money on an attorney but I have to get something accomplished, I'm so sick of being in limbo.
I did my very best to present the situation to the attorney in a fair way...I didn't leave any stone unturned with her because I didn't want any surprises from my ex's councel if we were to go to trial. My ex won't be happy that I told the attorney about him getting in trouble with the military recently but I wanted him to be aware there was a chance that my ex could still lose rank because of new evidence. I didn't realize until recently that my ex's ongoing affair is being investigated still. The attorney mostly was concerned with if my ex would be smart enough to come to his senses and settle out of court. I said most likely not so that is why I'd be back probably.
The facts and figures were all based off a full-time job for me and my ex's pay that is public record (he's in the military and all people his rank/grade get paid the same). So all the terms I'm presenting to my ex will be the same as he would be advised of.
I am not asking for more than my daughter and I are entitled to by the NC and military rules/regulations. The attorney felt that the best thing for us to do would be to sign the agreement we already have drafted...he said he wouldn't call it "fair" but he would call it "ok".
By time it is time for the divorce (after 1 year seperation) I will be a resident of NC so I file here...I don't think that's an issue for my ex. He was ok with that before. The child support (if he does't pay the state min. will be enforced by NC because that is where our child resides. I guess you can go to the child support enforcement agency and get that done for $25. I haven't looked in to it yet...I'm hopeing that my ex and I can figure this out without that....no such luck yet though. He wasted all his cell phone minutes and never returns calls so if it isn't resolved BY THE END OF THE WEEK I'm going to go take care of that.
Wish me luck. I'd rather not have to deal with the court but if I do I know I have a great attorney in my corner.
So, you found a different attorney? I am a little confused, you made reference to "her" and said in a previous post you had found a female attorney and I replied to be careful of the large retainer fee she was asking. Now you are making reference to "him" as the attorney. Did you shop around and find a different one? If so, congratulations for being a smart shopper!
Also, if the attorney you spoke with told you that you should try to get the agreement you currently have signed and indicated to you that he/she would not call it "fair" but "ok", if you really don't want to go to court and that is the stance you are taking, then what about making the agreement "fair" between you and your X and get something on the table so you can begin to receive child support for your child?
That seems like a really easy and reasonable way to handle the situation. Of course, if the X doesn't sign or want to agree, then court will be the only way to handle the situation and that could go on for quite a while with attorneys being in the mix.
Also, child support cannot be "enforced" until there is an order to be enforced, right now you do not have an agreement or an order.
I would try to see where the "sticker" lies in the separation agreement. If it's about money or posessions and you know you are asking too much, then try to back off of it some and see where you go from there. Of course all of this is based on if you want to get this done quickly without involving attorneys.
One other thing, you mentioned your X is in the military, once a civil attorney is involved, the military does not have jurisdiction over any matters. In fact, they can't have much jurisdiction over divorces anyway and they certainly cannot set child support amounts. That is governed by civil laws in any particular state. The military can only enforce civil orders. Such as if you were to get an agreement or go to court and have a judge order your X to pay so much in child support, if he didn't pay, then the military could enforce that order by taking it out of his paycheck. The military establishes rules or guidelines to insure that the military members don't bring any blemishes to their group. They can tell a military person what they should do, but they can't force them to, nor can they automatically take an arbitrary amount of money out of their paychecks. At least that is the way I understood it.
That is probably why your attorney said that it would be best for you to sign the agreement you currently have in place. That, and based on the fact that your attorney told you that you can't file until after a year in.
Edited 5/23/2006 11:01 am ET by got2bkidding
Edited 5/23/2006 11:04 am ET by got2bkidding
There are two attorneys in Ms. Warlicks office (herself and a male attorney). I called back today to tell them that I was changing the sep. agreement that we currently had to reflect 50/50 split on debt, less alimony and the NC regulated child support amount. The male attorney said that he wouldn't give in so much but I went ahead and changed it and sent it to my stbx. I really have been praying about it and I just want the agreement signed so that my stbx and I can start focusing more of our time on our daughter and not on money or other terms.
I'll keep everyone posted on how things go. I talked to my stbx today and we had a nice conversation. He seemed to agree with everything in the agreement...I'm sure he's happy about me changing it to 50/50 split on debt, that's one thing he really wanted. It will be hard to take on that much debt but in due time I'll get it tackled. And if I can do it I know he can...so I don't feel like I'm leaving him with no money.
The military order for spousal/child support is VERY close to what I've asked for so if my stbx doesn't sign the agreement I will be able to still get that support quickly. My stbx is a good guy, we just don't work well together married. I feel that in due time we'll be able to successfully co-parent and that is the goal I'm trying to keep in mind now.
Thanks for all your advice and questions.
WOW! That is a lot of progress with him in such a short time! I hope that you will be able to reach an agreement because your meeting with the assistant counsel in her office really makes me curious about if that law firm is truly a good one. I mean, apparently she came in long enough to say she knew she was expensive but worth the peace of mind, then turns you over to either assistant counsel or a partner?
What is HIS reputation? I mean if you have to go to trial and your paying her a $5K retainer, I am assuming that it's her reputation that allows her to charge those high dollar retainers. Why would a partner be talking to you?
Like I said before, be very careful. I would be ticked off royally if I went into a high dollar attorney's office and was told if we went to trial I had to pay her $5K, then she throws me off to a partner or assistant counsel to hear my case and what I would like to accomplish? I don't think so. Sounds really curious.
If you do happen to get to a point where you cannot come to agreement...I would definitely ASK SOME QUESTIONS, as to who was going to show up in court for the 5K!
Here's to getting some resolution!
I have full confidence in my attorney. I was referred to her by a friend who was very pleased and I have also researched her online and found nothing but positive info...she has an amazing reputation. I am going to have to schedule another visit to see her. My stbx ended up shooting down the sep. agreement I sent to him. He had said he was happy with it but the next day I got an email with a whole different sep. agreement drafted by his military attorney. The people who are "coaching" him in this process aren't giving me any credit for having sacrificed my career to follow him around the military for nearly 8 years, having a child with him, moving away from home, and living for him for nearly 8 years or anything else for that matter and that is probably why he goes from being so nice one minute to being a big jerk the next. He doesn't have enough of a backbone and take a stand and make a decision for himself to do what he once told me was the right thing to do...not he is just doing what his "coaches" tell him he should do. They aren't doing him any favors. I wish they would realize that it's not going to help either of us to go in to further debt to fight for what we want in the divorce.
I'm at a loss right now. I was so excited that I would finally be legally seperated and now he pulls this crap. I need proof of seperation for a few different things and this game my stbx is playing isn't helping me get that proof!! Why can't he just sign it and get it over with? The civilian attorney assured me that the agreement was "ok" and that she could get me even more if we went to court so why would my stbx want to test her on that? I have compromised so far from our original agreement! He's trying to get everything his way and it just can't work like that.
I did go ahead and have the military enforce the support that he is suppose to pay us and hasn't been. I was at a loss...each time I ask him about it he just says we'll talk later or hangs up on me. Once his command tells him he needs to pay support and he fails to he can get in a lot of trouble. I just wish he'd stop messing around and do what he knows he should do. I don't want to argue with him anymore, I don't want to have to deal with his command anymore. I just want to get what we are entitled to and be able to move on legally seperated for the next year and then have a uncontested divorce and be done with him.
I know life isn't that easy but I just had to vent. Thanks for listening.
So, it basically looks like you are in for a "fight" and that the courts will have to work this one out. That's really too bad. In these situations, nobody but the attorneys win. Here's to some kind of resolution!
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