I seriously need to know if it's just me
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| Mon, 07-31-2006 - 10:25am |
I am 36 and have been divorced almost a year (first marriage, no kids).
I pretty much won't go to weddings, and the few times I've made myself go since the divorce I have hated every second of them.
I don't do a good job of handling it when people get engaged and they're all happy and talking about wedding planning and stuff.
I don't try and meet people because I just basically figure, what's the point, everyone is already with someone else.
I do nothing on the weekends.
I live in a little apartment downtown with my dog, but I never go out.
If I do find someone interesting to talk with, male or female, for any reason at all, the minute they mention "oh, my girlfriend" or "my boyfriend" it just makes me want to stop talking with them.
My ex has a new girlfriend.
I have no friends here because everyone is attached and doing things with their partners.
I just can't seem to find happiness in anything except my dog.
My dad does this: he's jealous of everyone else and it's almost like because of that he sets himself up for being miserable... he has this "poor me" complex. I always said I didn't want to be like that.
I have two great season tickets for our NFL team here and no one to take.
I basically feel as if I am not living ... at least I hope I'm not, because if I am this is pretty awful.
I walk around angry.
Anyway I guess I was wondering if I'm the only person who feels this awful almost a year after divorce.
The most ridiculous part of this is, my divorce was my idea. But that's a whole other stupid story. Love Fzz

well, as dr. phil would say: "and is this working for you"?
it sounds like you don't have much of a life - and you are angry and /or depressed. this doesn't sound like its much fun for you.
Is it?
Hi there fzz,
If I could give you a hug I would.
The good news is that you sound on track in the process of getting ovre a divorce. It does take time, and you will go through a myriad of negative emotions. Recognize the courage it takes to let yourself feel these things. You will be healthier and more balanced in the long run.
So, in a nutshell, you sound normal and healthy.
You will want to make sure that while you are feeling down, you avoid unproductive outlets for your feelings. Drinking, drugs, chasing men, over eating, over exercising, et al.
As for your ex -- his current relationship will very likely end badly because it really is too soon.
I came to this message for board for feeling similar to the way you do. I don't have any advice. But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I too was the one who left my husband. And for GOOD reason! But I just can't get "over him" and I don't know why.
Take care and keep posting. I'm going to for a while. It will be nice to see how each other handling things. It's always helpful to hear other women's stories on it.
-DBC
Edited 7/31/2006 7:20 pm ET by mebrenda
Hugs, Brenda
Fzz you are not alone. I am in the middle of my divorce right now and I feel all the feelings that you stated. It is awful and it feels like it will never end. I try to keep my faith that God will help me through this. I also listen to others who have gone through this horrible path of divorce and trust when they say things will get better. I for one cannot wait.
Like you I find it hard to be around others especially my friends who are married. I try not to show it but whenever I'm with my best friend and she calls her husband I feel like it is a tear in my heart. She has someone to call whereas I don't. I'm happy for her but I'm terribly sad for me. I don't even dare go to weddings or anything couple related right now. I know it is already hard for me without it all being in my face, I can't even imagine what it would be like being in the mist of it. Sometimes I'll be in a room full of people and whenever I see couples holding hands, cuddling, or heck just talking I feel like crying.
My STBX already has a girlfriend. She was the OW and a former friend of mine. Whenever he wants to hurt me, which is everytime he gets an opportunity, he mentions how good his hussy gf is to him and how they have a family now that they have a baby (he claims he's not really the father but he's told others he is). One time he even went as far as telling me about their intimate sexual excapades. I wanted to throw up. After that I stopped talking to him. I refused to answer any of his calls.
Like you my pets are one of the few source of comfort that I have. I feel more secure being in my one bedroom apartment with my 6 cats than being out or anywhere else. In fact, whenever I am out I can't wait to get back home. It feelss like when I'm out there is something that will remind me of our time together. It hurts and it hurts bad but I pray everyday that the pain will ease.
This board has helped me feel as if I'm not as alone. There are a lot of people here that are experiencing the same thing. I draw a lot of strength and support from this board and other boards where I have made friends. My family and friends are also great but sometimes after a while I feel like I'm a burden because they think my STBX is a horrible person that I should have no problem forgetting about him and getting over everything. Not so. In fact, as many things as he's done to me I still love him. It kills me that I still love him because I know he doesn't feel the same way about me. I sometimes wonder why can't I get over him like he's gotten over me. I've come to the conclusion that my STBX and I are quite different. He can turn his feelings on and off whereas I can't. I suppose this is another reason why I've been able to keep my vows to him while he hasn't and have had 2 affairs within the last 2 years.
I hope and pray that someday I will find someone who can love me as much as I love him. Right now I am not sure how that will happen as I don't like to go out. I want to go out but my feelings and depression always prevent me from doing so. Perhaps if I'm meant to meet someone who I'm suppose to be with circumstances will present itself.
I hope you start feeling better and that things start to not feel so bad. Please keep in mind that you are not alone. We may not all know each other personally and that we're everywhere in the world but we do all share the pain of divorce. Perhaps just knowing this and that we're not alone will help each and everyone one of us in this dark and painful time in our lives.
Melanie
fzz, I can totally relate. I'm not divorced YET, but after almost 4 years of separation, I still feel this way. I'm so sad. Who is ever going to love me? I must be unlovable. I do have kids, but am not feeling much love there. My cat is the only one who gives a damn. I go out with friends, but they are all happily married, which makes me feel worse. I want what they have. It all makes me feel sadder.
BUT, I think there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know I need to build up my confidence and self esteem and I'll find someone special. It's not an easy road, but I am NOT letting this be the end of my happy times, no way. That jerk is not going to own me anymore!