I swear he's like Jekle & Hyde

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
I swear he's like Jekle & Hyde
8
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:44pm

Damn it I swear he just cant keep his mouth shut and I should kick myself because maybe U gave him the opportunity to do it but it just caught me off guard. I did a post earlier about how I let ex get our son today and things have been going rather well between us and the exchanges and how I hoped I was being set up for a huge step backward. Ex is just a jerk sometimes.

Since he picked him up this morning he's sent me two pictures. What surprised me is in the second pic he changed his outfit I put on him. I was annoyed by it but calm. So I called him to say I got the pic, he looked cute. I know it may sound silly but when he does that it makes me feel like my clothes are inferior and his soo much better. So I CALMLY said can I ask you a ? (thinking about it now I should have just shut up) he said yes. I asked is there something wrong with the clothes I put on him. He said no, I asked so why did you change him. He said I usually always dress him in dark colored clothes (this outfit was an orange shirt and blue jeans, and white jacket). I said oh and said okay I talk to you later.

He called back and asked why dont I dress him in clothes like the ones in the Easter pics (green pants, green, white, baby blue shirt) I said that shirt is short sleeves and this morning is a little windy out. So I said the one I had on him was okay though and he says welll. I said huh. Then he starts talking about the first outfit I sent him in and how it was no good. I again calmly said things have been going well for us and lets just keep them like that I talk to you later bye, and hung up.

HE CALL ME BACK! Saying you remember that outfit right, you usually dress him in stuff like that and I was gonna throw it away because it was no good. I said look Im not going to argue, I dress him clean and nice all the time. You might want to think before you speak next time because there is a way to talk to people and you dont always choose the right way. I have to go now, I'll see you later. Goodbye.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:59pm

This man is a piece of work! Of all the things to worry about in a kids life...what color clothing he/she is wearing is not a battle I would personally choose!
He needs to spend less time changing the childs cloths and argueing about what he's wearing and using those precious minutes to spend quality time with his child during their visit. Visits are short enough with out stupid things like that taking up time.

How frustrating. Try not to let him get to you. They are just cloths and these antics won't even matter in a few years. I haven't dealt with this issue personally but I hope I've helped a little. Take care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 1:09pm

Tell me about it. Im a bit dissapointed in myself that I let it irk my nerves. But Im learning because I handled it alot better, the recovery that is. Its just that he has this air about him that you would think I dress him in dirty old rags. He is very ungrateful. Today isnt even his scheduled visitation day. He asked for today on Monday and I was skeptical but decided to agree. Yesterday he was supposed to call me to confirm. Last night at 9:30pm he calls me saying Im still getting him in the morning right. Again I took a deep breath and told him I havent heard from you all day, i assumed you werent getting him. Next time please dont wait to the last minute.

Ugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 2:59pm

Yes it is frustrating, but it is also harmelss, that he changes the clothes.

Let me suggest what I think may be going on. I think this is another instance of him wanting some control. Think about it, he never gets to dress his son, he never gets to pick out the clothes and put them on him and dress him up. It seems like such a simple thing when you do it everyday but when you never get to it can mean so much more. He may just want to be able to pick stuff out for him and dress him in his style, kind of like father, like son. If he is materialistic then it could really matter to him how the child looks, again petty and small to you but important to him.

Things are still going good and you are doing the right thing by letting him have the day with the boy. Next time do not ask about the clothes, you know the answer, if it bothers you just swallow it back. I think the more time and impact dad gets with the kid the less struggle you are going to have with him.

Just my opinion.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 3:44pm

Youre right. It just kills me the way he talks to me about it. Hopefully some day that attitude part of it will change. But I wont ask again as I will know the answer. I am proud of how I handled it. A few weeks ago I would have been ready to go blow for blow. He did send me another pic since then. This time i didnt call him to acknowledge it instead I sent him a text message saying thanks, he looks very cute.

A long journey ahead, I know but some progress nonetheless. Today was a big hurdle for me and I made out okay. Looking forward to his return at 6pm. He got him at 9am so it was an even longer visit today and it shows my willingness to cooperate and be flexible, he called me at 9:30pm last night saying Im still getting him right? After not hearing from him the entire day I thought he wasnt coming. I hope he sees and appreciates the willingness on my part even if he wont tell me.

As you know I respect your opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 3:51pm

My ex complains about stuff I dress our daughter in too! What is it with these idiots? First of all, my ex never knew how to dress himself, he was always a complete slob. Now his new girlfriend has him dressing like Mr. GQ and all of a sudden he can critique everyone & everything...including my choice of clothing for my little girl. See, unlike him I can't afford to constantly dress her in Gap Kids or Old Navy. I usually shop at Target and sometimes Wal-Mart. I buy her cute things, she always looks beautiful. He also complains about her shoes which I usually get at either Target or Payless. I'm not about to spend $40 on a pair of shoes from Stride Rite that she's going to outgrow in 3 weeks!!!! He'll make comments like "Um..Lainie, would it kill you to dress her a little better"? I'm like "SHE'S 2...2 year olds are little piggies..2 year olds make messes & get dirty! No i'm not putting her in a $40 outfit that she'll ruin! I'll put her in a $15 outfit that she can wear out to her heart's desire" and he says "Well I pay you child support, I expect you to use it on her" UH, I DO @SSHOLE...I PAY FOR DAYCARE WHICH YOUR CHILD SUPPORT COVERS 1/2 OF! I don't have extra money to throw away on overpriced toddler clothes! Arghhh!!
Whew- that felt good, LOL

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 4:04pm

It just makes me sick. I too shop at Payless and Target. All my son does is play on the floor. He's 3. So I hear ya on the not spending $40 on an outfit for him to get dirt on or food on or rip running around. I mean I will splurge occassionally on him but for regular going outside heck no. If my ex wants to do that then so be it. Im more concerned with finding a way to save money for him for his future then expensive name brand clothes. If its on sale and within my budget then once in a while. But I want to raise him to know its not about materialistic stuff and how much money you can spend on an outfit or sneakers but how you are as a person and how you treat others.

Our ex's are jerks sometimes. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 4:07pm

Oh yeah, I do also occassionally splurge, but her ENTIRE wardrobe does not consist of designer clothes. (Heck, neither does mine!!!!)
The other day I got her a bunch of things from Old Navy (including this adorable bikini- LOL) and I will NOT send her to his house wearing any of this stuff because he'll keep it. Every time I send her to him in something expensive I never see it again. I guess he looks at it as "I pay her child support, she owes me". How petty.

Lainie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 4:25pm
Oh my God. The same thing happens to me. I learned my lesson. They are alike in a lot of ways.