I think I'm loosing it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
I think I'm loosing it.
3
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 2:23pm

It just keeps getting worse, and I thought it was supposed to get better. A friend/coworker asked if he could use one of our cars today because my x called out sick at work and he had to cover. Yes, my x and I work at the same place, different shifts. I couldn't get past how I was going to get home if I left the car at work for him. I *think* he said he'd drive the other car to work so I could take the nice one. I'm not sure though because I flipped out about x and me not exactly having the same relationship that we had before and yadda yadda yadda. He said forget it and hung up on me. I called him back 3 times throughout the afternoon trying to apologize and tell him he could have the car. He had not gotten to work by the time I left. Now I'm home and all I want is to see my x and have it be Jan again before anything happened. I saw x driving the opposite way on my way home and I called him. I asked him if he was coming home soon and he said yes. I just want to dissappear. Why is this so bad? I thought I'd been keeping this away from work pretty well until now. Even when I hear my above mentioned coworker tell customers that x and I are seperated and they went out etc.

I'm a complete mess. How do all of you keep it together? We don't even have kids involved. X is home.

X has left again -- to a movie. This is so strange. He made me feel better about the events and was baffled that nobody called him about the car. As it turns out, I guess I'm glad I didn't loan him one of the cars, since I have class tonight and X is out!

I have to get a grip. Sorry, guys. Things are either moving too slow or too fast and lately it seems like it's both at the same time.




Edited 3/14/2005 4:39 pm ET ET by rudith2005
Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 7:23pm

Ruth I truly believe you will feel much better once he moves out. He is using you and getting everything he wants. I know it stinks to hear that, but from what I read about his behavior, it's pretty clear. Please do not apologize to him anymore, he owes YOU an apology, not the other way around! (((HUGS))).

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 9:26pm

I hope you will take some friendly advice from someone that is living with their STBX.

I think you and your STBX need to make some boundaries. Once my STBX and I decided to get a divorce I moved into the guest room. I am not sure if this is an option for you, but it really helped me. Then we made some other "rules". We split all the bills 50/50 until we sell the house. Each of us buys our own food and we have a place for it, no bringing other people to the house, etc. etc. This helped a lot. I hope this helps hang in there.

Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Tue, 03-15-2005 - 9:03am

Boundaries is right......


Wow, I'm sorry. All of this is overwhelming sometimes. It will get better soon. I think you have to set boundaries and you HAVE to get seperate residences..... How can you move on if you live totally like you did before? Start making changes... even if it is little steps.


Hugs to you sweetie.