I think Im Ready to have a thing....
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| Mon, 06-20-2005 - 12:01pm |
Hello ladies,
After a horrible Father's Day, my ex took the baby from Saturday, I was fine but something came over on me on Sunday and I became almost hysterical. I felt so alone, and tried to get ex to "comfort" me acknowledge me and ofcourse he didnt. It was so humiliating. but I see now it was necessary b/c I learned how shallow and self absorbed he really is. He didnt care about all the times even recently that Ive been there for him and when I called him on it, he said that didnt matter, he cant be there for me, Im not the center of his world and a bunch of other hateful things that hurt like hell. Even went as far as to tell me gf has picked up on me not being "over him" and she doesnt want him talking to me on the phone, coming to the house to see the baby, just pick him up and leave and that's what he's gonna do. But when I wanted him to cut all contact witht he ow to save our relationship, our family, he didnt listen to me but he listens to her. So meanwhile he says not going to call me. OKAY.
Ofcourse he blamed me for all this, saying im too emotional and uncontrollable. Im the one who has caused the "deterioation" in "our relationship". He's so innocent. What kind of man after 5 1/2 yrs together and a child tells you he wants to be friends, that's all he can offer now and lets a 21yr old gf tell him he shouldnt talk to or see his ex. It makes her uncomfortable. And he will just walk away from me for her. What kind of "friend" is that. Some time ago he told me that he will not turn his back on the ow and the twins. Fine but then how can he turn his back on me for this girl.
Im so done with him. I deserve so much better. When he came to drop off the baby he says, he'll call me. I just walked away. He wants nc b/c she says so. he just dont know what he's got himself into now. As for her, im sure she's sitting on top of the world right not thinking "she's won". He doesnt like anyone telling him what to do. He'll go along with her for awhile but when he sees he cant come in my house and get that boost of energy and emotion he's used to getting from me she'll see. Saturday he was supposed to pick up the baby at 11am, he called me said he's coming at 9am. I said why, he said he wants to beat traffic, it's a 2 hr ride from his house to mine Says she doesnt want him spending time there but I never asked him to come 2 hrs early, told him why doesnt he just wait but he gave me some crap story so I didnt want him to cancel so I just said fine but now he can go straight to hell, whenever I need him, he's never there. He'll SEE
God may not always give u what u want but he always gives u what u NEED. I needed this! About 6pm my guy friend from work callled asked if I had plans, I said no and he came over after I put my son to bed. We watched some of the basketball game and when he left we kissed. I dont know where it came from but it just happened and I just went with it. We hugged and he said he better go b/c he really wants to stay. He is the first man Ive kissed since my ex. and I was scared to death. I never even thought i'd be having these feelings again, i mean they are not very strong but I did blush a little when I saw him this morning and he made reference about not being able to sleep last night, he was thinking about me. So it feels good to know that there is NOTHING wrong with me and another man is attracted to me. Us working together is not the greatest and he is 19 yrs my senior so I dont if we even stand a chance. But the companionship feels great. I mean he's not the most handsome man in the world, he's very slim but tall and im heavy but he says he likes me just as Im am so we'll see. Im a bit excited.

I'm sorry you had a hard time this weekend, but maybe you needed it to help you start closing things off with ex.
As for your work guy, just be cautious. Remember you're very vulnerable right now and it's easy to get your feelings confused. And if you do take the relationship with him any further, be safe. =)
-sang
ofcourse SAFETY first if it goes anywhere. I wish we didnt work together but so far he seems to be an adult. Hell he should be he's much older but we all know age is just a number. LOL Thought the weekend was rough I know it was necessary b/c I still saw "good" in my ex and he just showed me it was a BIG MISTAKE to believe in him. I woke up today feeling much better that the day was finally over. But he will call, he always does no matter what he says and it's usually when "he" wants something and this I know not to be there for him.
Thanks a bunch