I think this is it

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2006
I think this is it
1
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 4:40am

This is the short version. Eloped with DH 14 years ago. All family was against it. Somehow, We made it work. He was a hardworking, sometimes selfish, loving and attentive if it served his purpose. I have always been happy-go-lucky, positive, a hard worker although irresponsible with money. I have a solid career in education.

Two daughters later (7 and 5) I can't handle his negativity, his irrational anger outbursts and the lack of attention to my wants and needs. This May I found out he had an affair. It was short lived (2 1/2 months) mainly because I found out. Oh, I had stopped being intimate with him because our youngest had fallen ill since Oct '06 with rare disease and it took a toll in everyone. I felt that I had no energy to put up with his temper and then be the darling devoted wife he needed!

Have been to counseling, he says he is trying, I guess he is, but Karma is a B>>>! He is on the verge of loosing his job, is in poor health and now it happens I am the sole provider of the house.

I hate my thoughts of walking out now that he is in the lowest of the low, but I have also endured many years of Chronic anger form his part. I asked today for D and I am and was really serious about it. I have been up all night reading this board and feel that it wont be the end of my world. I am a Dr. Laura Alumn (read all her stuff and believe in many of her theories) but enough is enough. Even if we legally separated, this man needs a lot more help than I can provide.

I think he "shields" in my tending to him and takes no charge of his own issues and problems. He is seriously in a state of depression or Bipolar disorder or something!

I love him, but love is definitely not enough to save us. Maybe I love the idea of us and our intact family.

Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Just writing this post has helped me clear up my head and sort my emotions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 11:58am
The relationship is over, but the only way it could be saved if he is a changed person. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they realise what they had. By you walking now can not only save yourself, but him as well. is it worth a try? I know your probably emotional drained but just think about it. He is the way he is because of what level he is at. he can't see to change if no one tells him or he get a shock to his system like in the movie "North Country" the wife made her husband his last meal and checked into a motel. She wasn't happy to do it, but had to make a statement. It worked 1he was a new man. Thats priceless! It's a true story too. anything is possible. Right now you have to think about yourself and the children. if you think you have the strenght you can help him as well. I don't mena with hugs, sex, or anything like that, but support, ideas, and even money. You don't hate him the way he is because if you do you are validating his treatment towards yourself. Be kind hearted and let faith guide you. get on the ride and let faith take you not worrying about naything.You do that you will be ok. No one else is telling you to do this are they? Don't worry with what they say because the watcher is looking down at us. it's not about him, it's about YOU! making you that better person at peace with everything.