I Thought I Had Closure

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
I Thought I Had Closure
2
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 12:10pm

Hello Everyone,

I'm new to this board and I hope I don't sound like I am rambling, but I have no one to talk about this to, so please bear with me. I have been offically divorced a little over a year but have been separated for much longer to a man I was married to for 10 years but have been together for 15. We know each for over 20 years. He was my very best friend, my childhood sweetheart and I thought after all this time that has passed that I wouldn't hurt anymore.

We divorced because we both destroyed our friendship which is what hurts more than anything else. He was very abusive (not physically but everything else), and I wasn't perfect either. All we did was hurt each other and he hurt and tore my son apart as well (my son is from my 1st marriage before we got together). I have been through many years of therapy, domestic violence support groups, women self-esteem groups, as well as reading on my own anything I could get my hands on. I know that I grieve for the loss of a dream that was supposed to be, and the fantasy of what it could have been, but now that I am moving to AZ and I have been packing away the house we spent the last 8 years in, I feel my heart breaking like it first did when I realized the marriage was over. The crying won't stop, I feel broken inside and I just want to get through this but I am having such a hard time.

I loved this man more than I could possibly explain in words. I tried everything humanly possible that I knew to try and make our marriage work, and the whole time, all I wanted was my best friend back, the man who I married and we were supposed to have a family, a house, with a few animals, and the man I was to grow old with. This wasn't supposed to happen!!! We were supposed to come out on the other side and make it, together. All I wanted was him, all my love was for him and our children.

All these feelings have nothing to do with logic, because I know what the reality was and is and I don't want him back, I won't go back. I just want to know when the grieving truly stops and the memories don't hurt anymore, the good with the bad. I want to know when I won't cry everytime I see him (during his visitations and he picks up our daughter), or speak with him on the phone. We have come to a very peaceful and amicable place where we can talk again, and actually in a way be "friends" but I am confused sometimes at the depth of my sadness since it's been quite awhile since we have parted. Thank everyone who has taken the time to read this, and to let me vent.

MidnightBlue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 12:20pm
The pain, sadness and crying are all signs that you are healing on the inside. It takes time, don't set a limit on when you expect to be done. Remember when you feel like this, a new, stronger you emerges each time. You will be okay. Sadness is a part of life, without it you would not know happiness. Packing up the house is a good time to look back and reflect on what you lost, it's completely normal and healthy.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:50pm

firstamendment,

Thank you for your encouraging words and the one thing I am trying so hard to do is not lose sight of taking caring of me, and not letting myself dwell on this. I feel what I feel, take care of it and let it go. Thank you again

MidnightBlue