I thought that I was ok but i'm not
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I thought that I was ok but i'm not
| Fri, 03-16-2007 - 8:22pm |
So I've posted here a couple of times but I mostly lurk. I wont get into everything but I have been separated for over two years and just recently have started the divorce process. He was only served with the papers a couple weeks ago. Well, the brake up was terrible and I spend a lot of time crying and begging him to come back and we even tried to work it out a few times. It never worked and we decided it was over. The last 6 months or so I have been fine. I have felt great and didn't want him in my life in that way anymore. I realized that I didn't love him anymore and I finally felt free. We got along great for the kids and everything was going great. Well, I contacted him today to help me out with a car problem I had and I asked him about a concert he was going with tonight. He told me he was having trouble finding someone to go with so I asked if he found someone. He said he was going with some girl. To find out he has been talking with someone for a couple weeks now. Someone that he went to high school with (we went to the same school so it is someone I know but he wont tell names.) He said that nothing has happened yet that they have just talked and hung out a bit but he was hoping for more. This crushed me. The thought of him with someone else kills me. I don't know why because I truly don't love him and I would NEVER get back together with him but I don't want him with anyone else. I hate this. Why would I feel so terrible if I don't want him for myself? I guess I was hoping that I would move on first but this really hurts and I cried all day at work (he told me on my lunch brake) so I just don't know what to do. I don't want to be bitchy and vindictive but part of me really want to. I don't know what help I am expecting from writing this. I guess just to get it out. I just feel so bad.
Signatures On
| Fri, 03-16-2007 - 10:07pm |
What you are feeling is very normal. I just found out my X is dating and was shocked at how upset I felt! I was the one who wanted out of the marriage. Needless to say, the mixture of sadness and jealousy was overwhelming at first. (It still hurts a week later, but I have had time to process it.) I think of it as a "head/heart" thing...my head knows that the marriage was not repairable, but my heart broke all over again. Part of it is the mourning of the loss of the relationship you had hoped (and maybe sub-consciously hope) would result in a lifelong partnership. I have two kids, and it is hard for me to begin to think about them spending time with them as a couple. I know in my "head" that time will heal this, but my heart does ache. I have talked to several friends and they all agree that this is a normal feeling....Hope this helps...talking DOES help!
| Sat, 03-17-2007 - 3:23pm |
Thanks jennlynn. I know that you are right. My mom and friends tell me that my feeling are completely normal but I am still mad at myself for feeling so bad. I was having nightmares last night about the whole situation. I know that it isn't so much of him being with someone as much as it is the fact that everything is going to change. stbx doesn't really have a good place to bring the kids for visitation so he comes to my house while I go run some errands. This help so I know where the kids are and that they are safe and it helps him to just be able to come see the kids and not have to worry about taking them anywhere. I can call him up to watch the kids at the last minute so I can go to the store or something and he can see the kids at that time too. It is something that works for the both of us and it took a long time to get to that point. Now that there is someone new in his life that is all going to change. There is no way that she is going to be ok with him coming over here to watch the kids and I know that those last minute "can you watch the kids" are going to stop because he is going to be spending all his free time with her and I know she will be putting me down for it even though it is something that has worked out great for us both so far. It is just really upsetting for me. I know that things are going to be changing and I am happy with the way that they are going. I wish this wasn't happening but I guess it is what it is.
