i want it all...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2008
i want it all...
8
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 2:51pm

I posted this on the betrayed spouses board but thought I'd post here too...


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 4:07pm

I'm not sure what state you're in, but if it's a fault-based state, you probably have a better chance of getting more of the assets. You can also look into whether your state has an alienation of affection law. If so you can sue on that basis (I believe you would sue the OW). As far as alimony, your attorney can advise you of all the factors they consider. I highly doubt you can get all of his income.

In either case, just be careful. It can all backfire. Though he betrayed you and your daughters, you going after him and the OW full throttle may not only make their relationship stronger (they have something new to bond through), but talking to the kids about it can also bring court sanctions to you. I do believe the best revenge you can exact on him is by moving on and making your life better than it ever was with his lousy butt. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 4:25pm

You really need to help yourself first and not focus your whole life on getting revenge on your ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 7:17pm
...you've gotten some good responses...I just have to add...you could be my Mother...same story...long marriage, he had an affair, he left, and she did everything possible to make my Dad and StepMother miserable...she hid nothing from me (really, all that I needed to know was that they were divorcing and that she was sad about it, I didn't need the details, after all, an affair is a very adult subject and regardless of age, the sex life of either parent is not their business, even if one chooses to have it out side of marriage)...she "encouraged" me to be just as sad and angry as she was by letting me see her hurt, angry side and crying over and over "how could he do this to us?"...when I went to visit my Dad and StepMother, I visited with a happy, mentally healthy parent (he marriage continued until his death)...when I came home, I had to be careful to lie to her and tell he that I didn't like my StepMother...that I really hated my Dad (she would console me..."I have to make you visit with him, it's the law)...she remained bitter and negative...now, as an adult who looks back with experience, I can see that my parents weren't meant to be together...as a matter of fact, I don't remember any affection between them...he found his soul mate and lived a happy life for which I am grateful...my Mother "chose" to remain at the same point that she was at in November of 1971...she died 2 years ago...and, even though I know that my Dad cheated...he didn't cheat me...my Mother cheated me big time...














iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 10:11pm

"partially because I was begging him to stay and work on our marriage."


Why on earth would you even want to stay with someone who so blatantly disregarded your feelings and the marriage?


"I've been doing my best to make their life a living hell."


Does this make you feel any better?

Lilly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Fri, 07-25-2008 - 10:19pm
...so true...high five...slam dunk...please take lilypie32's advice...if you won't listen to my story...listen to her words of wisdom...please...














iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2008
Sun, 07-27-2008 - 9:21pm

Don't forget that you're eligible for half his retirement as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 07-28-2008 - 11:59am

Hi there iusedtolovehim,


I think the first thing I'd do in your shoes is completely denounce my previous statements.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2001
Mon, 07-28-2008 - 12:20pm

It certainly does hurt when your marriage ends, especially when it ends with a betrayal. However, bitter and angry is no way to go through life. How do you find peace again? I don't know.... you just do it. Every morning, you just resolve to not be bitter and hateful for the day. The best revenge is living well.

~calla~

~calla~  mom to rosie and gracie